The Perils of a Small Town
by QuietCreshendo
Summary: Why did he have to be the only OB-GYN in Forks? Of all the luck... Bella/Carlisle. Rated M for a reason. A citrusy reason.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer- I own nothing. No, I mean literally nothing. Not even in possession of a cookie. You think I could afford the ownership to Twilight? No, that's all Stephenie Meyer.

**A/N: For now, this is a one shot. But if there's interest, I would be willing to extend it.**

You see, this was the peril of being a teenaged girl in a small town. Everyone knew everyone, which was annoying but bearable- unless you were a teenaged girl. Normally when you show this much of your body to someone, you're hoping it's someone you're incredibly familiar with. But when you're on an examining table, covered only by a flimsy paper gown, the last person you want to see between those stirrups is someone familiar.

If I was the kind of girl who did those kind of things, or even knew where to get those kind of things, I would have been knee deep in Zanax for this appointment, but I just wasn't that lucky I suppose. So there I sat, every fidget shifting and crinkling the paper liner on the table below me, feeling miserably exposed, waiting for the only OB-GYN in all of Forks.

Up until now I would grow impatient with doctors who made you wait, just wanting to get this over with as fast as possible. Now, however, I was perfectly content to wait, hoping he wouldn't feel the need to be speedy. No rush. I am totally okay with stalling this.

The door started to creak open, and clearly luck was not on my side today as the familiar blond head poked in on me. "Ready for me, Bella?" he asked.

The very question made me flush, the butterflies in my stomach beating madly against me. "Y-yes," I stuttered, taking deep breaths, willing the blood to leave my face. As if it would. It seemed like blush was my body's neutral state.

Carlisle strolled in, and pulled up a stool to the edge of the examining table. "I see you've declined a chaperone?" He asked, his golden eyes meeting mine. "Are you sure about that?" He asked.

"Positive. No offense, Dr. Cullen, but this is kind of awkward as it is, I can't imagine another person in here is going to make me more comfortable," I explained with a weak smile. It was a battle as it were to keep my legs from trembling. _Please don't notice._

"All right. So, today we just have the standard check up. Breast exam, pelvic. Any questions or concerns you have, we can talk about after, okay?" He asked, gently. Carlisle has this natural ability to calm patients and in any other case I'm sure it would have worked. But not for me. If anything, the butterflies in my stomach just increased pace, and it was all I could do to keep from trembling as he asked me to lie back.

He peeled back the top of my paper gown, and it was a battle not to squeeze my eyes shut and pretend I was somewhere else. And then I felt his gloved fingers gently but firmly traced the outline of my breast, and my heart raced to fever pitch. Was it too much to ask or Carlisle to be ugly in just this moment? Because doctor or no doctor I could refute the fact that an extremely attractive vampire was holding my breasts in his hands. I struggled not to arch into his touch as he gently squeezed, and had to remind myself that this was an exam, and not a seduction. I was glad I could blame the hardening of my nipples on the chill in the air. What I couldn't do was stop the shock of arousal as he rubbed his thumbs across my nipples, and gently squeezed and prodded.

"All right, everything looks good," He said, and I pulled my top back up, trying not to hear what could be a double meaning in his assessment. This was Carlisle, for crying out loud. He was Edwards _father_. He was a doctor, and did dozens of these every day. There ceased to be anything sexual about this long ago, I'm sure.

As he pulled out the stirrups, I swallowed hard. I let my ankles rest on the cold, hard metal, terrified that the arousal mingling with nerves and fear was showing. "All right, Bella, scoot down until you feel my hand," he said. Words that I'd heard at half a dozen pelvics over the years suddenly turned from clinical to erotic in Carlisle's lips, and I fought to keep my face from burning in shame. I scooted my hips down, spreading my legs wider for him until I felt his cool, gloved hand on my bottom.

"All right, to make this easier on you, I'll use ointment on my fingers," he told me, soothingly. I nodded my head, absentmindedly. "Alright, here we go, Bella," he said softly.

As his cool fingers entered me, I let out an involuntary moan. I cursed my sensitivity as Carlisle's amber eyes shot up to meet mine. "Did that hurt?" He asked, concern pooling in his eyes.

I was captivated, dumbfounded, and barely managed to say, "Cold fingers." I couldn't believe this. With Edward constantly thwarting my advances, I ached for release much of the time. Apparently to the point that a pelvic exam with his father was rapidly turning erotic.

Carlisle's smile was captivating, and he chuckled. "Can't be helped, I'm afraid." He rested his hand on my lower abdomen, and pressed in and down gently. The shift in weight caused the slightest friction against his fingers, and forced a small noise from me. "Pain?" He asked, gently.

"Um, no," I stuttered. "Just uncomfortable." My pulse raced, and I was sure I'd flushed, my face felt warm. In fact, the whole room, cold just moments before felt almost unbearably warm. I breathed deeply and tried to calm myself as Carlisle felt around a little more. Finally, it seemed as though he was done.

He went to remove his fingers, and then it happened. His thumb brushed my clit, and there was no disguising the breathy moan that escaped my lips. He locked eyes with mine, and he deliberately stroked me once more, and that was our undoing. "Carlisle," I gasped, and with inhuman speed his hand was fisted in my hair; his cool smooth lip crushed to mine.

I gasped at the sensation, and his tongue darted inside my mouth, tasting, devouring, and I felt as though I was drowning in the feel of him. He pulled away just long enough to yank off the gloves before his hands shoved under my gown, caressing my hard nipples, gently rolling them in his fingers, before squeezing, soliciting a strangle moan from me. He kissed me again, hard, before trailing his mouth along my jaw, down to my neck. He kissed and licked and sucked. I felt his teeth scrape against my neck gently before his lips were at my ear.

"You smell delicious. But as sweet as your blood may be, nothing is sweeter than that mouth of yours." And with that, his lips were on mine again, sucking and nibbling, before I felt two cold finger stroke up and down my dripping sex. I groaned into his mouth, and this spurred him on, plunging his fingers deep inside me. With the gloves gone nothing shielded me from the cold of his skin, and the sensation was incredible.

"You like that?" He asked roughly. I gasped, and he withdrew his finger before thrusting them in again. "I said. Do. You. Like. That?" Each word was punctuated with another thrust of those wonderfully skilled fingers of his.

So lost was I that I couldn't imagine anything like consequences, or his son-my boyfriend, and his wife. "Yes, yes! Carlisle... So good," I moaned.

He removed his fingers from me, and I nearly cried out from the loss, before he did one of the most erotic things I would ever see. He plunged his fingers, dripping with my juices into his mouth and sucked them out. "Delicious. You are so delicious, my Bella." Even had I been coherent, I couldn't have protested, because in that moment I would have done anything for more. I really was his.

Abusing his inhuman speed, he was between my thighs and before I even knew what was happening, his cold tongue swiped against my dripping pussy and I stifled a cry. His expert tongue circled and swiped at my clit, before plunging inside of me, and I saw stars, riding out the first orgasm I'd had in far too long. He drank all of my juices greedily, thoroughly cleaning them all from me before standing again.

My eyes couldn't help but be drawn to the bulge in his slacks, and unable to help my self, my hand reached up to feel it. His eyes met mine, fierce, and he whispered my name as though it were a curse. With speed that almost rivaled his, I undid his belt, and as fast as I could, my hand was inside his slacks, wrapped around the smooth length of him. "Carlisle, you're so..." I trailed off, looking up at him in awe. In a smooth fluid motion that spoke of experience I didn't have, my hand slid up and down him, and this time he did curse.

"_Fuck_. Bella, you don't know what you're doing to me. You don't know what you're doing," He growled.

I smiled wickedly. There was no going back now, so I was going to get what I wanted, damned or not. I used him, rubbing the swollen head of his cock against my dripping slit. "On the contrary, I know exactly what I'm doing, Dr."

I was rewarded by another growl, and in a flash the entire length of him was buried inside me. I gasped, and I knew that though I didn't feel it now due to Carlisle's swiftness, and my wetness, I would certainly hurt later. "Are you okay?" He asked quietly, though his voice was strained. "Yes, yes. Please, I need to feel you move," I begged.

And move he did. With every thrust I enjoyed the delicious friction or my clit grinding against the spot where our two bodies met. With every thrust I was that much closer to my release. "Oh god, Bella, you're so tight. So hot. I'm not going to last long," He whispered.

My eyes met his, and the desire, the pleasure I felt was so strongly echoed in his eyes that I couldn't find the strength to look away. "Carlisle," I gasped. Something in my tone must have clued him in, because he picked up speed, and before I knew it, the pressure built until it was unbearable.

Then he said the tree words that had me unraveling in his arms, "Cum for me." And I did. I tumbled over the edge into oblivion, into an endless sea of bliss, and it was only moments before Carlisle buried himself inside me and cried out my name. I drained him for all he was worth, unable to stop clenching and un-clenching around him in the wake of my orgasm.

I don't how long we stayed like that, his arm around my waist, my head resting against his collar bone. It could have been days, or even weeks, though I'm sure it was only moments. The world filtered back in around us, and even as the gravity of the situation sunk in, I couldn't say I would take back if I was given the choice. It was the single most earth-shattering experience in my life. How could anything get better than that? More intense? It would kill me, I was sure.

"Bella..." Carlisle said, helplessly.

"Don't. Don't ruin this for me," I said. Carlisle nodded, wordlessly withdrawing from me. I looked up at him, trying to make out the look on his face. It wasn't negative. He wasn't elated. It was neither here nor there.

I hopped down from the table, and yanked my underwear on, quickly clasping my bra back in place. Carlisle zipped his pants back up and did his belt, and damn him, it looked as though this had never happened. My dress was on in a flash, and I slung my bag over my shoulder.

"Bella, this can't happen again," He told me.

"I know that," I snapped. "I still love him. This... This doesn't change anything," I lied. He turned and his hand rested on the doorknob before he paused. "I don't regret it thought."

"I know," he said, softly.

"You don't either," I stated. It was not a question.

"I know," he said again. "It was nice seeing you, Bella." The door closed with a click behind him, and I couldn't help my small, but sad smile.

**Remember, reviews are like naked, willing Cullen boys. **_**Everyone**_** wants one.**


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: See chapter one.

**A/N: Thanks everyone who reviewed. It made me really happy to know you like what you read. Well, demands must be met. I know there is at least interest in filling this under-served category of shippers. Hopefully I don't disappoint.**

– * –

When I got home that night and shut the front door behind me, I rested against it for a moment, trying to collect my thoughts. "Hey, Bells," Charlie called from the living room. _No such luck,_ I thought. "How'd the doctor's go?" He asked. Not exactly concern, but polite small talk.

"Fine, Dad," I answered. I dropped my bag on the kitchen table before rummaging through the fridge, trying to find something to make for dinner. I wasn't ready to go into the living room. I couldn't fake it enough for Charlie right now. Not just yet.

"Uh, Bells, I didn't know what time you'd be back, so..." He paused. "I ordered pizza." I groaned aloud and I was almost certain I her Charlie fidget in the other room.

"Dammit, Dad. You know what the doctor said. You have for to watch your cholesterol! You practically have grease running through your veins instead of blood," I admonished. He appeared in the doorway, looking like a kicked kitten. "Oh no you don't. Don't you make me feel guilty. I'm trying to keep you alive, old man."

Charlie grinned, knowing he'd broken me down. "It's just one night, Bells. I'm not going to croak on you yet," He promised.

"Wouldn't bring you to the hospital if you did," I grumbled. "Where is it?" I asked. "I'm hungry."

"Left the rest in the oven for you," He said. "Game's on in a half hour, so if you need me after that... Well, try not to need me, k?"

I could hear my phone vibrating from the depths of my bag, and I chose to ignore it, leaving the bag where it was. Instead I took the box upstairs to my room, where I could safely wallow in my shame with Charlie properly distracted by the game.

Edward would ask me about that night later, and I would make some lame excuse for not wanting to talk or see him. In truth, I spent the whole night alternating between crying, eating, and trying to figure out what I was going to do. If Alice had seen this, I would have known by now. Carlisle and I had gotten away with our betrayal. But what now?

The next day I went to the Cullen's house as usual, and it seemed rather anticlimactic to me after all my panicking the night before. Esme was away with Rosalie, some girly bonding activity that I was sure involved excruciating amounts of shopping and makeup and _that_ stuff. Carlisle was fortunately working a late shift in the ER.

Jasper however, was home. And that presented a problem with me. The moment his eyes met mine, I knew that he most certainly felt my hurricane of emotions. He kept quite, but his face showed intrigue, and I was grateful when Edward shut the door to his bedroom behind him, effectively shutting out the world.

"Penny for your thoughts, love?" He asked me as I lay in his arms, blanket wrapped around him. It was a thing for Edward, he was always curious about my thoughts. Usually it was a silly sweet thing between us, but today it annoyed me a little. I guess it was because for the first time in almost three years, I had to lie.

"Just school stress. And Jacob stress. All sorts of stress, really," I said, with a grimace. They say the best lies hold the most truth. If that was the case, my lie was magnificent because not a big of that was untrue. School was crazy, with still trying to recover from all that I'd missed. Jacob was always mad at me lately. On the surface it was stupid nothing-fights, but what it really boiled down to was the fact that I'd forgiven Edward.

_ "You could have at least made him sweat, Bells," Jake shouted. "But no, the bloodsucker strolls back into your life like nothing happened and you just go along with it!"_

_ "It's not your problem, Jacob," I hissed, furiously._

_ "Oh, the hell it isn't. Like I wasn't the asshole that picked up the pieces for you? Or did you forget that you were a damn zombie for months after? Christ, Bell, you could barely breath without him holding your hand. Then you were getting better. You were finally getting better, and you're just gonna take him back and let him do this to you some more!" He shouted, his face turning a rather unhealthy shade of dark red._

_ "He won't hurt me again, Jacob. You should have seen... You don't understand. He was broken hearted!" I begged my friend to see my side._

_ "Like he even has one!" Jake seethed, breathing heavily, before he slammed his hand across the table, sending all of the things on it, books, ashtray, napkins, flying into the wall of his tiny kitchen. I jumped. "Oh come of it, Bell. You're perfectly damn fine."_

_ I knelt, trying to gather the things, when he stopped me. "Just leave it. This place is a damn dump anyhow."_

_ "None of this is helping," I said._

_ "I know. Nothing will while you're with that leech."_

Jake and I constantly went back and forth. Sometimes there would be fights like that. Sometimes he would plead, and that was worse. Sometimes he would apologize. But then we would just fight again. I was losing my only friend. And somewhere in the back of my mind, something was trying to get my attention, but I wasn't quite sure what it was.

Edward pressed a kiss to the top of my head, and shifted gently so he could look at me. "Would you like any music?" He asked. "It's quiet."

I smiled at him, a small smile. "No. I like sitting in the quiet with you. It's peaceful," I told him, not entirely honest. We sat there like that, and shortly the peace I told him I'd felt actually did settle over us. For the time I had no worries, and things were normal. Thing were right. I don't know how long passed before I stretched and yawned, and the sudden intake of air made me cough, hard. Edwards rubbed small circles on my back until I calmed.

"Are you okay?" He asked, concern pooling in his golden eyes.

"Fine," I said. "I just need some water." I started to get up, and he stopped me. He was barely gone from the room for a second, before he came back with a glass of ice water.

I took a sip and smiled at him, after. "That was awfully fast. Keep it up and I might think there's something strange about you," I joked.

That crooked smile of his that I fell in love with stretched across his face and he chuckled. "I guess now would be a bad time to tell you about my lack of pulse then, huh?" I smacked his shoulder, and we laughed together harder.

"I need to go to the bathroom," I said, setting the glass down on his bedside table. He nodded, his eyes closed in a deceptively human habit.

I closed the door gently behind me and was headed for the bathroom when halfway between it and me, Carlisle appeared at the top of the staircase. Our eyes met, and I was frozen, but he flashed me his brilliant smile like normal, and said, "Hello, Isabella," before disappearing into his office.

I breathed in deeply before shutting myself in the bathroom. I gathered myself, trying not to make any sound, should I alert the sensitive ears in the house. I splashed water on face, before checking my watch. I needed to be home soon, or Charlie would use it as an excuse to order takeout again. _Nuh-uh. Not happening._

When I met Edward back in the room, I told him that I needed to be going. Quick as a flash, he had my things gathered together, and insisted on carrying my school bag out to the truck for me.

"Nice seeing ya, Bells," Jasper drawled from his perch on the living chair, exactly where we'd left him hours earlier. When I was here, the lack of human habits seemed normal to me. After so long, they never felt the need to act in front of me anymore. No one here bothered breathing. No one coughed, or got the hiccups. No one ever had to brush a stray hair from there face. No one sneezed, no one had to pee. No one blinked. There was never a spot to scratch, no one ever shifted their weight from one foot to the other, or had to move to get comfortable. None of this seemed odd until I went home at night, and the difference still shocked me.

Edward held the door to my truck open for me, and I slid into the driver's seat before he shut it gently behind. He leaned against the open window for a moment. "I love you," He said, simply.

"I love you, too," I whispered, and he leaned in for a kiss, chaste. They always were lately. This time it didn't bother me. It didn't register as the reason, but for now I was satisfied. _Sated._ _Thanks to a certain blond doctor._

When I pulled into the driveway at my father's house, I noticed Billy Black's truck, and smiled. I still did, even thought the good nights with Jake were fewer and fewer these days. I still always held out hope that I could just spend time with my good friend with no fighting and no crying. I might have been kidding myself, but if I was, so be it. Better a fool than jaded.

As soon as I opened the door, I was assaulted with the sound of some sort of sports coming from the living room, and the smell of something suspicious. "I am going to walk into that living room in exactly three seconds, and I know there won't be fast food in there," I said threatening.

Jake poked his head around the corner, and grinned, picking me up and swinging me around like a rag doll in a big hug. I squealed, and he set me down, ruffling up my hair. I ducked out from under him, glaring. "Chill out, Bells. Sue Clearwater sent over lasagna. Not a chicken wing in sight, I swear to you," He said. He made a crossing motion over his heart.

I sank down into one of the chairs at the kitchen, dropping my bag down beside me, and Jake sat in the chair opposite mine. We were both quiet for a moment.

"Bells, I'm really sorry about last time at my house," he blurted. "I can't believe I acted that way, and I didn't mean to scare you. I would never hurt you, you don't ever have to worry about that." The remorse in his eyes was overwhelming, and I sighed.

"It's fine, Jake. I'm over it," I said.

"Is everything okay?" He asked. "You seem like... I don't know," he finished, lamely.

"I'm just tired," I said, feeling like I was saying that a lot lately.

"If that bloodsucker has done something, I swear," Jake started up.

"Would you stop calling him that?" I hissed. "Jesus. No, he hasn't done anything? What did I tell you, Jake? _He is not going to. _The faster you get that into your head, the faster we can stop fighting you know!" He looked stunned, and I felt a pang of guilt. "Jeeze, Jake, I didn't mean..."

His eyes hardened a little bit. "Yeah, you did. And you're not wrong. Okay. Just promise to tell me if everything's not okay?" He asked. "I uh... I'll try to let up a little bit. The only promise I'm making is to try, though."

"It's better than nothing, I suppose," I said, looking away innocently. He chucked a crumpled up napkin at me and I laughed. "I missed you, Jake-y pie," I said sweetly.

"Aw, hell, Bella. Don't. Anything but cutesie names," He begged me, horrified.

My eyes took on a wicked gleam. "Sugar pumpkin, you wound me!" I cried, clutching my heart.

"Hell no, Bells. Cut it out," he warned.

I dropped to my knees, and hobbled over to him, big eyes pleading. "Jakesie? My puddy popsickle? My ickle fickle Jakesiekins?" I pleaded. I launched myself at him, and we hit the floor of the kitchen with a crash, the both of us laughing so hard tears streamed down our faces.

Jake got serious first, turning to look at me. "I'm sorry I've been such an ass. I just... You know. But I've missed you," he said.

"I've missed you too, Jake." We lay like that on the floor of the kitchen for a while, before Charlie and Billy entered. The stopped for a moment, staring at us oddly, before Charlie just stepped right over us and grabbed two beers, as though we weren't even there. They then left the kitchen without saying a word. This of course was the funniest thing in the world, so Jake and I laughed again. It took a while before the fits of giggles subsided, but when they finally did, I felt a peace so much more complete than the one I'd found in Edward's room earlier.

Even if it was strained. Even if it wasn't lasting. I had my best friend.

**All right. Maybe it's a bit of filler, but this is my way of saying that it's going to be a full fledged story. What do you think of this small insight to the way Bella related to the other characters so far? And remember what they say about reviews. They're like naked, willing Cullen boys. _Everyone _wants one.**


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer- See chapter one

**A/N: Come on you guys, I could use a little feedback. Tell me what you liked, what you don't like, where I could improve, ect. I want to make this a story that you love to read.**

"What exactly would you have liked me to do about it, Edward? My father invited him over. Y'know, Charlie? He owns the house, yeah?" I fumed, trying to keep quiet. We were in his bedroom with the door shut, but in a house full of vampires that didn't mean squat. Everyone could hear me as clearly as though I was shouting. My human pride demanded I at least try, however.

"You didn't have to talk to him, Bella," Edward said, furiously. He was completely unruffled during this argument, something that always drove me crazy. No matter what he did, a hair never seemed to come out of place. It was ridiculous, really.

"So I should have gone upstairs, and hid? Until he left? I mean, really. Like that would have done anything if he'd phased. I don't know if it's escaped your notice, but he's gigantic!" I hissed.

"Exactly. He's dangerous, Bella."

"So are you, ya gonna kick me outta here? Maybe find me a safe rock to hide under?" I asked, getting a little hysterical. "Next time I come over, is everything going to be covered in childproof locks, hmm? Maybe you'll rap me in bubble rap every time before I'm aloud to leave the house?"

"Bella, you are being hysterical. Not to mention, rude," Edward said, looking genuinely hurt.

I sighed. "I'm sorry, but you're not being realistic, either. There was nothing I could do about it so I made the best of it. Whether you like it or not, Jake is my friend. And currently, he is my only friend. I know you're concerned for my safety, well aware of it," I snorted. These past months were very real proof. "But you don't get to make choices for me, Edward. This is my life, and I'm going to live it. No one else. I respectfully ask that you let me make my own decisions, and express any concerns or requests for me in that way. I don't _have_ to do anything, after all."

"Bella. I love you. I almost lost you once. I'm just... I'm trying. I'll try harder," He promised. My resolve softened, and he pulled me into his arms gently.

I sighed, and tipped my head up to his, and our lips touched, softly. His cool lips worked against mine, slowly but surely. The kiss was careful, but far from chaste. A happy medium that I was glad Edward had discovered. When his lips finally released mine, I rested my forehead against his chin for a few moments, just breathing. "That was wonderful," I whispered.

I could feel his smile. "Kissing you always is, love."

"Edward?" I asked, softly.

"Yes, love?"

"You know I love you more than anything, right?"

"Of course. I love you the same. Is everything alright?" He asked, concerned.

I paused for a moment. "Yeah, it's fine. I've just been feeling out of sorts lately. A little restless. It'll pass," I assured him.

"If you're sure. You know you can talk to me about anything, Bella. Anything. I can promise you there's nothing you can say that we couldn't deal with."

_I can think of one thing._

_Shut up,_ I thought to myself.

Days passed, and by the end of two weeks, I was right. Life settled back into it's own pattern, and the guilt that used to grip me every other moment was fewer and farther between. I stopped avoiding Jasper so much, and every moment I wasn't with Edward I was with Alice, and rarely, Jacob.

That's when it caught me by surprise when Edward left me alone one day to go hunting with the rest of the family. I sat on the couch of the large empty house, flicking through the 900+ channels they had, looking for something to entertain me while I awaited their return. I paused on Lifetime. They were airing _Speak_ again. It had been a good movie. A better book, yes, but a good movie. Just as I was about to get up and raid the fridge, I heard the front door click open.

I stood quickly. "Hello?" I called out, nervously.

Carlisle poked his head in the living room and smiled. "Hello, Bella."

I breathed a sigh of relief. _Really, Bell. Who did you think it would be, strolling casually through the front door. The Volturi? Jesus, get a grip._ "Carlisle. I didn't expect you. I thought everyone was hunting."

He hung his jacket on the coat hook. "Everyone but me. I had to work a little late today. I'll go some other time." I rolled my head from side to side, stretching my neck. "Sore?" He inquired, a small smile playing on his lips.

"Uh, yeah. I think I slept on it funny," I explained. In a flash he was behind me, easing me back into a chair.

"Let me help you," he said softly. His skilled hands deftly flew over the strained muscles in my neck, eliciting a soft moan from my lip. I flushed, in embarrassment mingling with pleasure, as his expert fingers worked out the kinks in my neck and shoulders. It was hard to let go of the tension when it was so awkward, letting him touch my in such an intimate way again. I briefly wondered if Carlisle felt strange as well, before I decided not. He had been acting as though nothing had happened so easily I was sure that he wasn't bothered in the least.

_"Yesss,"_ I hissed, the sound escaping from within me of it's own volition. He hit a particularly sensitive spot and I just couldn't help myself. "Oh, _Carlisle._" My skin tingled underneath his smooth fingertips. I felt as though I would die of embarrassment at any moment. _This was Carlisle. Couldn't I at least _pretend_ I didn't still desire him?_ But here my body was, betraying me so easily.

"Yes, Bella?" He asked, teasing in his tone.

_Oh, God. I couldn't be doing this. Not again. _"Please," I pleaded. _Traitor._

"Say it, my Bella."

_No, I wouldn't. Saying it... That made this real. _"Carlisle, please."

"Please what, my Bella?"

"Fuck me," I said, spitting it out. The words were filthy and they send a thrill though me.

"Nicely, my Bella."

"Please fuck me, Carlisle," I begged. _Oh, I was surely going to hell._

He smiled, bringing me to the couch before his lips captured mine. His tongue stroked against mine, fiercely, and his hands worked underneath my shirt, groping my breasts, and manipulating my nipple skillfully. I moaned underneath him, as wetness pooled between my thighs. He growled, grinding his hardness into me. I loved this about Carlisle. He was so... _animalistic _when turned on.

I fumbled with his belt, then jerked down the zipper on his pants before reaching inside and grasping him. He moaned at the contact, breaking the kiss again. "Shit, Bella. Your hands are so hot. It's like nothing I've ever felt before." Encourage, I stroked him roughly, and he groaned.

Abusing his supernatural speed once again, he quickly yanked down my jeans and underwear, burying himself inside me. He didn't give me a moment's reprieve before thrusting hard and fast, spurred on by my cries of pleasure.

"Oh, fuck, oh yes. That's it, right there," I cried out. I was so caught up in the sensations of his thrusting I had no room for shame, writhing against him desperately as the pleasure built. "Uh, Carlisle! Please, please, I can't take it. I'm so close," I whimpered.

All of a sudden, Carlisle stilled and I looked at up him in confusion. "What's wrong?" I asked. "Why are you stopping?"

"Bella, wake up," Carlisle said, his voice sounding distorted. His eyes seemed glassy, far away.

I stared at him confused, before I felt myself being shaken roughly, and realized something wasn't quite... _right_. "Bella, wake up!" The voice repeated. The world around me flickered before turned to smoke, and falling away, and I woke up with a start, coming face to face with Jasper.

I stared up at him, bleary eyed. "Huh?" _A dream. It was all a dream. Of course._

"What ever were you dreamin' about, darlin?" He drawled. That voice of his made me grin every time, just like now, through my sleepiness. Coated in honey and pure southern twang Alice had once compared it to an auditory orgasm, and I had blushed and giggled madly. Sometimes I almost forgot she was a vampire, and not all teenaged girl. I just thought it was sweet. It made it easy to see past the scarier parts of Jasper.

I looked up at the TV, the credits for _Speak _rolling. I must have slept through it. "Nothing," I said quickly. And then suspiciously, "Why?"

If he hadn't been a vampire I think Jasper might have blushed then, southern gentleman that he was. "You seemed... agitated. You were thrashin' and moanin'."

"Oh." I pulled myself up into a sitting position on the couch. "Where is everyone?" I asked him, curiously. I looked up, expectantly, only to find us alone.

"We decided to race back. I won," He said grinning.

Just then the door burst open. "Jasper Whitlock, you cheater!" He yelled.

"I won fair and square," Jasper insisted, smirking.

"You made us all lethargic, how is that fair?" He said, indignantly.

Alice danced and twirled in behind him. "Like it's fair when you pick the moves right out of his head when playing chess?" She asked innocently, bending down to hug me on the couch.

"Right, like you don't do 'see' our moves when we play poker," Rosalie muttered under her breath, dropping down on the couch beside me.

"We get it, we get, you guys. You're a right pack of little cheaters," Esme said, settling down in the center seat on the sofa, while Emmett and Carlisle both finished putting away all of the things and shutting the front door behind them. I stared at Carlisle, who was fervently avoiding my gaze, for a moment too long before I looked away, fighting a blush with all my might.

"How were you, Bella? Not too bored, I hope?" Edward asked. He sat on the arm of the sofa, his arm wrapped around my shoulder, as he pressed a kiss to the top of my head. I shook my head, trying to clear the sleep and confusion from my head. When I looked up again, Carlisle had left the room, and relief washed over me.

"She was asleep when I came in," Jasper piped up.

"Uh, yeah, I passed out almost as soon as I got here," I admitted. "I can't believe I fell asleep."

"Well, at least you weren't lonely," Edward said, and for a moment I was gripped with fear before my logical mind took over. Because I was sleeping, of course.

"You must be famished," Esme said. "Do you want me to make you anything, sweetheart?" She asked. I looked up into those warm honey eyes of hers, filled with nothing but love and swallowed back a familiar wave of guilt.

"Uh, no. It's fine. I can make myself something, really," I told her. I didn't need the poor woman doing anything for me. I think I owed her enough.

"Oh, honey, it's no bother. I'll go in there and whip something up for you right away. You just stay right there," She told me, and left for the kitchen.

Emmett swooped right in and stole the empty seat, throwing one arm around Rosalie and the other around me. "So, Bell. Halo?" He inquired.

"No. Not again. You wipe the floor with me every time," I protested.

He grinned. "I know. That's why I like it." Before I knew what was happening, a controller was in my and and I was fighting for my life in deep space.

By the time Esme returned with a bowl of chicken tortilla soup, I had chucked the controller down in defeat. "No, Emmett. I'm done! I've died six times now. You do it, Alice. Seeing the future, you _might _ be evenly matched," I said sarcastically.

I took the bowl from Esme gratefully, and took in the first mouthful, moaning in ecstasy. "How can someone who doesn't eat make sure delicious food?" I asked. "It's unfair."

She smiled warmly. "I'm glad you enjoy it. I relish in the opportunity to actually use our kitchens. Mostly they just stay empty."

After I finished eating "the kids" as Esme called us, stayed downstairs talking and playing games, until a yawn escaped, unbidden, and Edward insisted on taking me home. I tried to protest, only to yawn again, furthering Edward's cause.

When Edward dropped me off at my house, I knew he wouldn't come back that night, given how tired I was. And that was good, because as soon as my head hit the pillow, I was plunged back into dreams of Carlisle.

_"I've been waiting for you, my Bella," he whispered. I looked up to see him, sitting in his office chair, faced towards the large windows lining the room. "Where did you go?"_

_ "Nowhere important. I'm sorry I kept you waiting," I whispered. I felt shock as I realized that though the words left my lips, though they were in my voice, I had no control over them. Nor did my I have any over my body, as it carried me toward him, where I straddled him in his chair._

_ "I've missed you, my love," he whispered, leaning in towards my neck. He inhaled deeply, sighing. "You smell delectable." He kissed there, his mouth and tongue doing delicious things to my skin. "You taste it, too."_

_ Against my will, I felt my body fill with heat, seeing to center and liquify between my thighs. "Oh, Carlisle..." His name was drawn out in a hiss, and I had no doubt that had I been under my own control, I wouldn't have been able to stop myself from saying them either. I reached down and captured his lips with mine. He tasted of dark chocolate and spice, and I couldn't stop myself from burning for more._

_ His hands worked underneath the skirt that I hadn't realized I was wearing, and stroked my dripping slit through my underwear. "Still ready for me, I see," he said, chuckling. The sound of his laugh was deep and rich, and only served to intensify the burn I felt for him. His fingers slid underneath the band and he plunged two of them deep within me, making me cry out. "That's my Bella. Cry out for me, my sweet. My name," he said._

_ He thrust again, and he need not ask twice. "Carlisle! Please!"_

_ "Please what, my Bella?"_

_ "Don't deny me," I begged._

_ "Never, my Bella. I will never deny you," he promised._

_ A wave of warmth rushed over me, and as I looked into his eyes, the lust rose again..._

_ ..._ Only to be interrupted by the screeching of my alarm clock. Two weeks carried on this way, and my frustration increased steadily. The dreams always felt so real, and I always woke feeling as though I'd gotten much less sleep than I had. I was irritable during my waking hours, and struggled with guilt. It was always so hard to tell if the dreams were real or not, and it mattered not if I gave in to Carlisle. This other Bella always carried on just the same, and I could never stop the excitement I felt. But no matter what, I always woke up before we finished.

And then there was the real Carlisle. There wasn't any hint in his demeanor that he had been struggling the way I had, and I couldn't help but be a little angered by that. Had our encounter not affected him at all? Here I was, barely hanging on by a thread.

I think I hid it marginally well from everyone else, but there was always one person who could see right through my bullshit.

"Bella, you can't fool me," Jake said one day when we were sitting at his kitchen table. Charlie and Billy were down at Sue Clearwater's, helping her with the dinner she was going to bring over later. Jake and I were alone in the house. "You're always distracted lately, and your fuse is shorter than usual. You blow your top over the stupidest things, and you are _always _tired. What's wrong?"

"I haven't been sleeping well," I admitted. "I keep having these really... _vivid _dreams."

"Like what?" He asked, intrigued. I felt my cheeks burn and I knew without looking that they had to be the color of tomatoes. I couldn't tell Jake of all people about this. "_Bella!_ Have you been having naughty dreams?" Jake teased, his eyes sparkling.

I whacked him in the shoulder, and he rubbed it, pretending to look pained. "Faker. I bet you hardly even felt it. Seriously. We are _not _discussing this," I said. "That's final."

"They hell it is. So you're dreaming about Fagward, and what?"

I felt the laughter rise within me and I tried to hold it back, but it spilled from me. "What? What did you just call him?" I asked, grinning.

"Fagward. So you're dreaming about the two of you doing the nasty. What's the problem?" He asked.

"Jake!" I hissed. "I told you I'm not talking about this."

He looked at me seriously. "Bells, you have to talk to someone about it. It's tearing you up. You obviously can't talk to the bloodsucker about it, so that leaves you with me. It's not my fault you have no other friends. I mean, really, you aught to branch out a little. Maybe add on of every species, ya know," He joked.

"Fine, but promise me you won't tell anyone. I'm serious. No one. And whatever you do, don't even_ think _about it in Edward's presence," I warned.

"Alright, alright. Why are you so desperate that he not know? It's just a dream, Bells," He said.

I looked at the worn cabinet of his kitchen, my eyes trailing over the peeling linoleum counter tops. Basically anywhere but Jacobs face. "The dreams aren'tabouthim," I said quickly.

"What?" He asked, a confused smile playing over his lips.

"I said... The dreams aren't about him..." My face burned with shame, and I turned to face him. A grin spread slowly across his face, before Jacob burst out into laughter.

"Bella, this is the best news I've heard all week!" He cried. "I always knew you lusted after my hot bod," He said with a wicked smile.

I smacked his arm again. "Shut up, Jacob Black. They're not about you either, so can it."

He looked mildly disappointed, but we both knew he hadn't even entertained that idea. "Who is it? Tell me it's not that Newton jerk. He's an idiot. And a creep."

"See, that's the really embarrassing part," I said, slowly. His eyes met mine and he sighed.

"I won't like this, will I?" He asked.

"Probably not," I admitted. "They're about Carlisle."

He looked confused for a moment, before his eyebrows shot up. "No way!" He shouted, jumping out of his seat.

I put my hand on his shoulder, forcing him back down. "Keep it quiet, would ya? I don't want the whole damn rez knowing, all right?"

"You've been lusting after Dr. Fang? Really? Oh, this is too good to be true," He said, laughing. I glared at him. "No, really, Bell. This is the best laugh I've had in weeks, I really owe it to you."

"Jacob, get serious. I can barely function like this. You've gotta help me," I begged.

"Fine, tell me how the dreams usually go. And no icky details, I'm scarred enough," he said.

I told him the basic gist of the dreams, glazing over the intimate details, and once I was done, Jake was silent. He looked to be thinking for a few moments, and looking into this eyes I could almost see the gears turning in his brain. Then he stopped, and looked up at me, seemingly having come to a decision. "Well, Bella, there's only one thing you _can _do in this situation," he said.

"What?" I asked, eagerly. "I'll do anything to make this stop."

"You have to give in." My heart skipped a beat, and then he continued. "You just have to let the dream run it's course, I think. That's why it keeps coming back, because you're fighting against it. You're psyche needs to work through whatever it is that you're dealing with."

**Well, what do you all think about Jake's suggestion? And you know what this means, right? Very soon there will be another complete lemon. None of this teasing stuff. And remember. Reviews are like naked, willing Cullen boys. Everyone wants one.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer- See chapter one.**

**A/N: I wanted to thank **EVITAKRISHNA 88 **for her suggestions, it spurred me to start this chapter earlier than I could have, by giving my insight on how the characters should be reacting. More feedback like this, guys! I'm a big kid, you won't hurt my feelings. Also, you can find links to Bella's outfit on my profile.

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**Chapter Four**

Jake is an idiot. Like I'm going to take the advice of a sixteen year old mutt. _What the hell does he know, anyhow?_ I thought, angrily.

"Bella!" Alice hissed, warningly. "Not that we can't afford to buy a new one, but I think if you squeeze that Wii-mote any tighter, I think it'll crumble," she said, looking at me with a raised eyebrow.

I looked down, and blushed fiercely. I hadn't realized just how hard I'd been gripping it. "Sorry," I mumbled.

She took it from me, having already set hers down, and pulled me down to the couch. She took my hands in to hers, and when she looked up at me with those golden eyes of hers, so much like her brother, like her _father_, I just wanted to spill everything. It was so hard to hold back from the sweet little vampire in front of me. "What has gotten you so flustered lately? You can't deny that you have been, because Jasper says you're nothing but a hurricane of emotions lately. We're worried about you," She said softly.

I tried to avoid her gaze. "It's nothing. I'm just not sleeping well lately. Stupid dreams, is all. You haven't told anyone have you?" I asked. "Please, don't. Specially not Edward. I don't want him thinking that he has to come stay with me every night again," I begged.

Alice looked hurt. "Bella, I would never. That's private. It's not even fair that Jasper knows, but he can't help it. The only reason he told me is because we thought that maybe you might need to talk to someone," she said. "I just wish you felt like you could tell me." She dropped my hands, scooting back on the soft leather sofa.

"Alice, please. It's not like that. It's just..." I trailed off, suddenly being sparked with inspiration. "It's just Jake. He's been giving me a bit of a hard time. And I don't want Edward knowing, because you know him..."

"I know. He'd try and forbid you from seeing him," she said with a sigh.

"Are you kidding? He's already forbid me. But there's nothing I could do about it even if I planned to listen. Charlie invited him over like, twice a week! And Edward doesn't seem to get that it's not my place to kick out Charlie's guests. He's just so stubborn," I groaned.

Alice laughed, but it had a sarcastic bite to it. "Yeah, well living for so long does that to a person."

I smiled at her, I couldn't help it. "I've met granite more yielding than your 'brother.'" I sat back on the couch, getting comfy and we sat there in the silence for a while, something that I'm sure Alice could appreciate much more than the average human.

The silence was rudely interrupted by the front door opening. "Hello? Anyone home?" Carlisle called out.

"In here!" Alice said. He must have had a rotation in the ER again today, because when he strode into the room, he stopped and leaned against the door jamb, looking better in a pair of mint green scrubs than any man had the right to.

He flashed his winning smile at us, and it annoyed me that he could act as though this didn't even phase him. "Where is everyone?" He asked.

"Esme and Rose went shopping, and the boys decided to go hunting. I think they were just bored," Alice admitted. "Bella and I were just having some girl talk. I was just asking Bella what she preferred, actually?" Alice got a wicked grin on her face, and I could tell this would be bad, but poor Carlisle had no idea what was coming, and walked right into it.

"What's that?" He asked.

"Plastic or cardboard. Tampon applicators," she said, smoothly.

Carlisle looked horrified, and was already backing away. "All right, I get it. I get it. I'm going. Have fun." And just like that, he booked it up the stairs, and right into his office.

I laughed with Alice, but I couldn't help but think, _As though he needed any prodding. They way he'd been splitting his time between avoiding me and acting like nothing had happened, you'd think I'd only imagined giving my damn _virginity _to him._

"So, other than Jake giving you a hard time, is everything okay with him," Alice asked, curiously.

There was a gleam in her eye, and I knew that look. "If you're asking if he's tried to eat me lately then no, Alice, he hasn't. I'm perfectly safe with him, I can assure you. His control is pretty good," I promised her. "He's not going to hurt me. That's why he's so hard on me lately. He thinks Edward will. Not just physically. I can't say I entirely disagree with him, either. I've just been so frustrated lately. Every time things... you know, get good... between us, he stops," I told her. Alice wanted girl talk, so girl talk she would get. Anything to avoid the real problem.

"Don't let him," she said simply.

I searched her face for any traces of joking, but there were none. "Are you suggesting I force myself on your brother?" I asked her, incredulously.

"Yep," she said, drawing out the words, ending with a pop. I looked at her, thoroughly scandalized. "What?" She asked. "It's not as though you both don't want this. You just need to step your game up, girl."

A smile spread across her face, and I could see a plan forming.

I knew Alice was plotting, but any time I asked, her answer was always the same, "I can't tell you yet! Later."

Meanwhile, things were getting worse. Without much sleep, every little thing seemed to be getting to me more than usual. I wasn't able to work things out on my sleep, and I never seemed to have any downtime. Much of my time was spent at the Cullen household, and I couldn't help but see the looks Jasper was giving me.

He was mad, I'm sure. I tried to keep my emotions in check, but it was useless. I often flitted through them in a matter of seconds. Edward thought the mood swings were from PMS, and it was just easier to let him think that then let anyone know how bad it had really gotten lately.

Compounding it all was my steadily rising anger towards Carlisle. _How could he not feel anything?_

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I wish Bella had any idea what she was doing to me. I was centuries old, but lately I felt exactly the twenty three years old that my body was frozen at. _Did she have to be here all of the time?_ I thought childishly once. I felt young, and petty. It was something I did not enjoy.

I could barely stand to be around her. She made me hunger so much, in a way that had nothing to do with bloodlust. It was taxing to act as though that weren't true, and even harder to keep my son out of my head. I could only hole up in my office so much of the time, though.

At first I had tried channeling all of these feelings into Esme, but it made her suspicious. Our marriage had been deteriorating for some years now. As times changed nurses got younger, and women in general more uninhibited. As a vampire, I didn't get any less handsome, as arrogant as it sounded, and well, you can add it up. I was hit on, and propositioned often. Esme, though a wonderful and loving woman, had a jealous streak nearly as big as her heart. Though she loved me, she couldn't help but resent me for the fact that I had taken away her ability to either bear more children, or see her child again in the afterlife. These things all contributed to our drifting apart.

She often accused me of such ridiculous things, and I was ashamed that she would no longer be wrong now. I just couldn't help myself. The occurrences of intimacy between us were few and far between, not that that's any excuse at all. The guilt in me ran plenty deep at this time, and with respect for my son, Jasper, I tried my best to rein it in, or steer clear of him.

The thing was, I just couldn't help myself. Bella was so attractive, and what made it even more so was that she didn't _know _it. Women nowadays saw their sexuality as nothing but a tool; to be used against the male race as though it were a weapon. For Bella, this idea had not even occurred to her. I don't think she'd even realized her own potential yet, sweetheart that she was. She was just so... refreshing.

And even though I spent every day feeling overwhelming guilt about what occurred between us, about what we had done to my wife, to my sun, I couldn't bring myself to feel regret. Though I knew it couldn't happen again, I found myself fantasizing about it, and remembering it quite... 'fondly' whenever Edward was out of range.

Whenever Bella was in the house, I found myself acting flawlessly. I smiled, I spoke easily. I acted as though there had been no changes. But I never addressed Bella. And I _never_ met her eyes. I was too afraid of what I might see in them.

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_ Between Carlisle's constant absence, Edward's frustration, and Bella's constant hurricane of emotions, I could sense a storm brewing on the horizons. There was and undercurrent of tension in the house every time Bella was here, and it seemed as though I was the only one picking up on it._

_ I could tell my wife was plotting something as well. She was rarely in this good a mood unless she had something up her sleeve. She wouldn't tell me what it was, only that it was going to 'fix everything.' I wasn't sure anything was, but I knew better than to bet again Alice. I thought more than once that maybe I aught to step in and do something, as it was easy for me to guess what was going on, but after being with my darling wife for so many years, I was sure she knew what she was doing. If any one could see and plan for the bigger picture, it was her after all. And I'd learned from her a long time ago also, that sometime these things just have to be left to run their course. I only hoped that things would work out the way they were supposed to before someone reached a breaking point..._

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_

Meanwhile, things just kept getting worse for me. I still wasn't sleeping, and it was leaking over harshly into every day life. I was usually irritable, and I kept falling asleep during class, during meals... I would just start to nod off, against my will. It was to the point where I was taking unintentional micro naps. I tried so hard to hide it, but I was kidnapped right now, Alice and Jasper babysitting me at the Cullen's again and I was sure they noticed. I couldn't stop myself from blaming Carlisle. I just wanted something out of him. Anything. Just for him to acknowledge in some way that he was affected. It didn't matter if he regretted it or not. I just wanted to know that I wasn't the only one this had screwed things up for. It wasn't fair that I was here, alone, drowning in the consequences of actions that weren't just mine, but ours together, while Carlisle got off scott free. I guess I wasn't hiding that too well, either.

"Are you mad at Carlisle?" Jasper asked me, breaking me out of my reverie.

I looked up, startled. "What? No," I said.

He looked at me, one eyebrow raised. "You're a bad liar, Bella. Every night when he leaves to go up to his office, I can feel your anger spike. Now, now. No lying to the empath, darlin'," he teased, a slow smile on his face. "Now why don't you spill, and tell Jazz what's been botherin' you."

"It's nothing really. It just seems like he doesn't have much time for anyone lately," I lied smoothly. It was becoming more and more natural as time when by, and I briefly pondered that. _Maybe I should take up an acting career._

"Bella, the man's a doctor. Of course he's busy," Jasper said, rationally.

"Yeah, but you heard Edward. Carlisle doesn't even talk to him anymore. And just between you and me, I think Edward could really use a good father-son chat lately."

Jasper seemed to consider this briefly. "I cannot deny you there, sweetheart. Our dear Edward is quite wound up. I am sure this is thank in part no doubt to my devious wife and her plottin' schemes," he said, with a smile. I grinned. I loved it when he talked about Alice. He was always so teasing, but if you saw his eyes, you could tell that each of the things he poked fun at was just another quality of hers that he treasured. I could only hope that one day I would feel love that could run that deep. I knew it only came from spending countless years at someone's side.

"Speakin' of the devil," he whispered in my ear. I looked in the same direction as he was. "Here comes the force of nature herself," he announced.

Alice twirled down the stairs in a way that I'm sure if imitated would break my neck. She stopped before us, grinning, and pulled me up. "Up we go, Bella. We have work to do," she said excitedly.

I looked at her, quizzical. "What?"

"Tonight's the night, silly. We have to get you ready," she said, eyes glittering with mischief.

"Oh, Alice, I don't know," I protested feebly. She shook her head, and when I tried to back away, she picked me up and threw me over her tiny shoulder.

Damn vampire strength. I wailed and kicked, but she was having none of it, determined to play her favorite game: _Bella Barbie_. gPut me down, you blasted vampire! h I cried, in protest.

It did nothing. Alice blew a kiss at her smiling husband, before carting me upstairs to her room, and shutting the door firmly. "Now, Bella. As much as I am going to enjoy this, you know it is necessary. I'm not just doing this for my own personal enjoyment."

"Yeah, sure," I grumbled. I knew she was right, but it didn't mean I would enjoy this. If I had any hope of regaining my sanity and not damaging my relationship, I figured this would be it...

"First things first. Hop in the shower. Exfoliate, shave, and condition. Oh, and do be quick about it. We only have a few hours," She said. She handed me a shower bag full of expensive scented shower things, and shoved me towards the door to her en-suite bathroom.

As I was in the shower, following orders, I couldn't help but wonder what Alice was going to doing to me that would require so much time. I presented myself freshly scrubbed and shining to Alice for appraisal, but she took no interest in me, just shoved a shopping bag in my hands and pushed me back in the bathroom.

"Put it on," she ordered. "No complaints!"

I looked down at the shopping bag nervously. La Perla. I didn't know much, but I knew it was expensive. I reached in and tentatively pulled out the first item. A turquoise blue bra. It was a padded push-up, covered in lace with swirly little seashell designs. The low rise underwear was made of the same material. I winced, knowing I had never worn anything this expensive or this sexy before in my life. I reached in the bag and pulled out the last item. When I saw what it was, I was grateful. It was a black robe made out of some wispy material, edged in black lace, with a black satin ribbon sash. At least I could preserve my modesty for some time. I dressed quickly, and before leaving the bathroom, I couldn't help but glimpse in the mirror. When I did, I gasped. In an uncharacteristic moment of materialism, I decided whatever Alice had spent on this outfit was worth it. In this, I could honestly believe I might look good enough to shake Edwards self control.

When I stepped back into Alice's bedroom, she sighed happily. "Bella, you look lovely. Come, sit. Time to tackle that hair of yours," She said, this time with a grimace.

I tried to sit still as she did painful, evil things to my head. After the first few minutes, I just squeezed my eyes shut and thought about happier things, like being dipped in acid and poked with sharp sticks as Alice pulled, yanked, and tortured my hair.

"Open your eyes, silly. It's done," She said. I looked up at her, hopefully. "No, Bella. I said _it's_ done, not _we're_ done. I still need to do your makeup." I groaned. "Shhh, Bella. It will all be worth it, I promise you," she said, a glint in her eyes as though she knew something I did not.

Alice moved so fast it was hard to keep up as her hands and fingers moved over my face. When she went to pluck my eyebrows, I cried out in surprise, but just as quickly as I had, she was done. Leave it to Alice to abuse vampire speed while playing Bella Barbie.

"Hey," Alice said, snapping her fingers in front of my face. "Pay attention. You're done." She spun me around to face the mirror, and a gasped. From my perfectly plucked eyebrows to my smoky eyes, down to my perfectly glossed pink lips, it was clear Alice had made a miracle. I don't think I would have even recognized myself.

"Alice," I breathed.

She grinned at me, pleased. "I know, I know," she said, giggling. "I make magic. Edward's not gonna know what hit him." Her face changed, suddenly all business. "Now, Jasper and I are going to leave for the night, a date you know. Rose, Emmett and Esme are away hunting, and Carlisle's working an overnight shift. When Edward gets back, you'll be all alone," she said. "So get your butt down to his room, get in that bed, look sexy and wait."

This was really going to happen. Alice said it would, and you know, you don't bet against Alice. I'd been waiting for this day from the moment I'd met Edward almost a year ago now. It was all I'd ever really wanted. I followed orders, but the whole time I sat waiting, my heart was pounding and my head swam. I don't think I'd ever been so nervous in my life. My mind was screaming at me, a million different unintelligible things, but all at once it quieted when I heard the footsteps coming down the hall. _It was him. He was here._

When he stepped into the room, he shut the door carefully behind him, before turning to look at me. I don't think I'd ever seen Edward flustered before this moment. Even though there was no blood left to rush to his cheeks, I still noticed the other tell tale signs of a blush. "Bella," he whispered, and my heart soared.

_This was _going_ to work,_ I promised myself, as I stood up from the bed. I reached for the sash on my robe, and in the blink of an eye, Edwards hands were there, stopping me. I looked up at him, questioningly, but he shushed, me, instead untying the sash himself. If it was at all possible, my heart rate increased. We locked eyes, and his cool fingertips skimmed my shoulders, before gently pushing the robe back. It fell in a pool of black fabric around my ankles. I sighed as his arms slid around my waist, and drew me closer. I gave him a nervous smile, before he leaned down to meet my lips.

I could tell he was trying to be so careful, as he inched me back towards the bed. I felt the edge of it against the back of my knees, and Edwards swept me up before laying me down. Every movement was careful, as if he were carrying something frail and fragile. It annoyed me, but I knew it was a habit he may never break. He feathered kisses along my jawline, inhaling deeply before capturing my lips again. And that's when I became frantic. I knew I couldn't give him a moment to back down, and I wound my hand in his hair, pressing closer, until the entire length of my body was pressed firmly to his.

Edward groaned, pressing back against me, and encouraged, I kissed away from his lips, down to the cool skin at his neck. My tongue swirled along the flesh, before I scraped my teeth against it. It yielded, but I knew if would never break. Not from my weak teeth. Everything about him was so much better. He was more beautiful, more strong, more capable than I could ever be as long as I was human. I marveled in things that were the every day for him. I always felt so blessed that he had chosen me. Weak, fragile, human Bella. Why had he? Rosalie had been offered up to him. Tanya yearned for him. Next to them, I paled in comparison.

"Bella," he groaned, kissing me again, before he took a clue from me, his lips trailing back down my jaw, to my neck. I sighed, as he kissed my neck. His hands skimmed along my sides, gently gripping my hips, and then his mouth hit a sensitive spot. The sensation of him kissing right there, with his cool, wet tongue set something off in me.  
"Edward!" I cried out, grinding against him.

Just as soon as I did, he sucked in a breath, and I was alone in bed. I cried out at the loss, but he was already on the other side of the room. I looked up at him, my eyes swimming with confusion and frustration.

"Not _again_!" I begged him, sitting up.

He shook his head, his eyes so dark they glittered, nearly pupil-less. "Bella, we can't do this anymore," he said. "I can't put you in danger this way," he insisted, shaking his head.

"What?" I said, struggling to comprehend what he was saying.

"Bella, I wanted to..." he trailed off, looking at a loss for words. "As much as I would like to give you this intimacy, I can't. I wanted to do... awful things just then. It's still hard to think. We can't do things like this anymore. We can't be intimate. You're human, easily breakable to me," he tried to explain.

"Let me get this straight," I said, angrily. "You will not be intimate with me as a human." He nodded. "And you will not change me into a vampire." He shook his head. I let out a short, humorless laugh. "And you want me to spend the rest of my life with you?" I asked, unbelieving.

"Of course, Bella. I couldn't think of anything else!" He said, indignantly.

"You refuse to make me a vampire, but you expect me to stay with you as a human, while you deny me my every human experience?" I asked. Then I erupted. "You have got to be kidding me, Edward! You don't get to make those kinds of choices for me!" I shouted. He started to move towards me, but I put my hands up. "Don't. Don't you take another step closer, or I'll say something we'll both regret," I promised. I grabbed my jeans from the foot of the bed, and yanked them up around my waist. I wrapped the robe around me, too angry to search for my shirt, and grabbed my bag.

"Bella, please," Edward begged. I could hear the anguish in his voice, and though I knew it was real, it only served to fuel my anger.

"No, Edward. I need time to myself. Don't follow me. And you'd better not watch my house, either, or so help me, I'll call the pack. I need to think," I said. I slammed the door behind me, and with grace and speed I didn't know I possessed, I ran to me truck. The drive home was mostly a blur, but when I reached my house, Jake was sitting on the doorstep.

Turning off the ignition, I whiped away tears I didn't know I'd been crying, and met Jake at the door. "Bell, what's going on?" He asked.

"Inside," I warned, looking around. Thankfully, he didn't ask anymore questions. I fumbled for the house key, and then let us in, flipping on the lights. Charlie wouldn't be home for hours, I was sure. Thinking I was sleeping over with Alice, he would stay much longer at La Push, if not overnight.

I tossed my bag on the floor, before Jake and I sat across from each other at the kitchen table. Unknown to me, I started to doze off, but Jake reached across the table and shook me roughly. "Bella."

"Bella!" he nearly shouted.

I startled, shaking my head. "What?" I asked, irritably.

"Bella, I thought you were going to take care of this?" He asked. "You fell asleep again. You're still having those dreams, aren't you?" He asked, suspiciously.

"So what?" I asked.

"Bells, there just dreams. No one's going to blame you if they just run their course. Not if it helps get you back to sorts." He studied my face for a while. "I'm really worried about you, Bells. Is there anything else you want to tell me?"

"Jake, I would love to tell you, but my mind is the only safe place for all of this stuff. Do you get it?" I asked. His eyes shimmered with recognition and he nodded. "The second I tell anyone else, well, everyone can know. And I'm just not ready for that. Edward and I got into a fight tonight," I began.

"What happened?" Jake asked sharply. "If he hurt you, I swear to God, Bells."

"No, Jake. You'd be thrilled about this, actually," I said, my voice just brimming with bitterness.

"What are you talking about?"

"Edward wants to be with me for the rest of my life. It's sweet, really, but that's about where it ends. He refuses to change me." Jake started growling as soon as the words 'change me' left my mouth. I smacked his shoulder. "Get a hold of yourself, Jake. You phase and destroy the house and we'll have a hell of a time explaining it to my father. Anyhow. He refuses to change me. But he refuses to be intimate with me. He expects me to live my human life with him. He won't give me eternity, but he'll take away every human experience I could have. It's not fair. I exploded on him."

Jake looked at a loss, and without warning, I started crying again. My body wracked with sobs. Jake patted my back awkwardly, and I could tell it was difficult for him to comfort me over what I knew he viewed as good news. I was immensely grateful to him for being such a good friend.

As the tears started to slow, Jake said, "Bells, why don't you go up stairs and clean up, huh?" He helped me up out of my chair. "Go upstairs, take a shower, let it all out. Then you can get dressed in something a little more... appropriate, and we can talk. Or channel surf. Or whatever," He suggested.

"Really?" I asked. "You'll wait? And stay with me?"

He smiled, one of those smiles I never saw him give anyone else. His eyes sparkled and I knew in that moment that I would never have a better friend. Save Alice, of course. "Bell, I'd do anything for you. I promised you, I will always help you pick up the pieces. In whatever capacity you need me. You asked for a friend, and I'm doing my damnedest to be the best one there is," He said sincerely.

I started to go upstairs, but halfway up I paused, and turned to face him. "Jake?" I asked.

"Yeah, Bells?"

"Thanks."

"Don't mention it."

I ducked into the bathroom, wiggling out of my jeans. Looking around the bathroom, I swore, realizing that my shower bag was still in my room. I crossed the hall, and entered my room. I stopped to grab a tissue and tried to mop up the mess of my face.

That's when I realized I wasn't alone. Someone cleared their throat from over behind the window. I whirled around to face the last person I ever expected to see here.

"Carlisle."

* * *

**There you go. A bit of a cliffie, I'm afraid. I thought that would be an appropriate place to end the chapter. So, what do you think about the turn things have taken? Let me know with a review. Naked willing Cullen boys, yada yada yada. Review! They inspire me.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: See chapter one**

**A/N: Thanks to the Twilight Lexicon and rereading the ending of New Moon, I have nailed down a very definitive time line for this story. It picks up right after the vote at the Cullen's house. That means no marriage talk with Edward. The fight with Charlie happened, but after her ultimatums, he backed down.**

**Chapter Five**

"Carlisle." I was frozen on the spot, my tears ceasing immediately out of shock. Carlisle diverted his eyes, and it was then that I realized I was wearing nothing but my underwear and robe. I shut the door behind me with a soft _click_ and crossed my arms over my chest in an attempt to hide myself, but it was futile. I was already hidden. I could be standing here in sixteen layers, wrapped up like a burrito, and I was fairly certain I'd still feel exposed.

Carlisle shifted uneasily, and I couldn't help but be struck by how young he looked in that moment. Distinctly vulnerable. _How did anyone really believe that he was thirty three? _Standing there, his blond hair tousled, in worn out jeans and a black tee-shirt, there was no hint that he was anything older than twenty five. He looked so out of place against the backdrop of my room. It was plain, much like I was on any other day. Wooden floors, faded blue walls. My room lacked personality, and then there was Carlisle, inhumanely beautiful, and everything that I'd never even considered for myself. The man was a force unto himself, and no matter how young he looked now, there was never any denying he was a man.

"Carlisle," I repeated. "What are you doing here?" I was perplexed, and it was enough to distract me from the disaster my day had been.

"I, uh," he stumbled. I was floored. I was not used to seeing Carlisle unsure. "I don't know," he admitted, lamely, and something as dumb as that was enough to make me burst into tears again. Carlisle moved quickly, sitting me down, and taking the tissue from me, dabbing at my eyes gently.

"I really don't need this right now, you know," I choked out with a gasp. "I don't... with everything that's happened... You've been avoiding me for weeks, and you decide to talk to me now? You know, you may be a perfect vampire and all, but your timing is crummy," I sobbed.

He looked down at me, perplexed. "Bella, I don't know what you're talking about."

"Yeah, right. You haven't looked me in the eyes but once since... my appointment. When you can stand to be in the same room as me, which is rarely, you act like... like... like nothing even happened. But it did, and it's not fair that you're not affected."

"Bella, I can assure you that I have most certainly been affected. You need not worry about that," he said with a brittle laugh.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Bella, I haven't met your eyes, nor can I be around you because you are so pitifully wrong in your assumptions, my sweet. I am very much affected by you. And things _have _changed. Even though we promised they would not." I sucked in a breath, finally understanding that I was dreaming again. "You are so very attractive, and what's worse is that you have no idea."

I thought about it for a moment, but I was so very tired. Not just physically, but mentally too, and it was then that I decided to take Jake's advice. _There is only one way to feel better. It's just a dream. Why not?_

My eyes met his, and electricity crackled between us. "Carlisle," I whispered. "I don't want to resist you anymore."

"Good, my sweet." In a mirror of what had occurred only hours before, his fingers made quick work of the sash on my robe, and it fell open, and I was exposed before him. His cool fingertips traced over my collar bones, and pushed my robe off of my shoulders. It fell to the floor forgotten, as his fingertips continued on their journey, down my sides, over the swell of my breast, and to my waist, where he gripped my hip, before pulling me against his body roughly.

"You are the most delectable thing I have ever laid eyes on," he whispered, before crushing his lips against mine.

I sighed happily, for the first time not trying to resist him, but giving back, as well. I felt no nervousness, no worry. It just felt right, natural to be doing this with him. I kissed him back, my hands sliding underneath the hem of his shirt and up his hard, muscled back. I melted against him, and when I felt his hands start to creep up my abdomen, it sent a thrill through me.

When his hands came up to cup my breasts, I gasped, and he took the opportunity to slide his tongue inside my mouth, stroking against mine gently but firmly. It was exactly the kind of kiss I had been craving, and I returned it eagerly, as Carlisle's skilled fingers manipulated my achingly hard nipples.

Every stroke of those surgeon's hands caused liquid desire to pool between my legs. I broke the kiss, sucking in a sharp breath, panting. I gazed into his eyes, and they were so dark I couldn't distinguish the iris from the pupil. It sent a shiver through me knowing this was all for me. I kissed him again, hard, and we tumbled onto the bed in a tangle of limbs. I was frantic. My lust had been building for weeks, and it all just spilled out. Our hand and lips were everywhere. I felt like I had to touch, kiss every inch of him. Carlisle couldn't seem to stand to leave any part of me unexplored, and the sensations I felt when he'd stop to nip at or suck on my flesh were unlike anything I'd ever experienced before.

He ran his hands over my ankle, and starting there, he slowly trailed kissed up my calf, to the insides of my thighs. From his place between my legs, he grinned up at me wickedly. "You'll have to apologize to Alice," he said. Before I could question him, his teeth bit into either side of my underwear, and then he ripped them roughly from my body.

It was easily the sexiest thing I'd ever seen, and a moan escaped me. I was so caught up, I was unprepared for the sensation of his tongue swiping along my swollen slit. The strangled noise I made encouraged him, and he did it again, this time using the tip of his tongue to circle my aching clit, and I struggled not to cry out.

"Don't hold back, Bella," he said, before licking me up and down methodically. It was incredibly erotic, and I'd never felt this kind of pleasure before. When I felt his tongue slide between my folds, inside of me, I saw stars. He thrust it in and out a few times, roughly, and my hips bucked against him, the pressure building within me was so intense.

He chuckled, pushing me down again gently. "My sweet, sweet Bella. Let go. I want to watch you cum," he said. When he brought his mouth to me again, he attacked my clit, and it was all I could do no to scream his name. Every stroke of his tongue and the pressure built, only bringing me closer. And then the thing that did it, I looked down, and his eyes locked onto mine. The intensity I saw there was too much, and all the pressure that had built within me just exploded. I felt like I was coming apart beneath his hands, and I thrashed wildly while the pleasure gripped me. It seemed like forever before I came down my high, panting heavily.

His cheek rested against my thigh, and that's when I realized how hot my room had become, and I was grateful for the coolness of his skin. I smiled down at him. "This is the best dream I've ever had," I whispered.

Carlisle smiled at me, the corner of his lips turned up. "Bella, this is no dream," he said, simply.

I waited for the shock, or anxiety to seize me, but it never did. "You know, I think I knew that," I said. I beckoned him to me, and he drew himself up my body until we were face to face. Never looking away from those beautiful dark eyes of his, I made quick work of his jeans, and in moment, I was gripping his hard length. He cursed, and I enjoyed the sound, so I gave him a firm stroke, hoping to hear it again.

I wasn't disappointed. "Fuck. Bella," he groaned. He looked to me for permission, and I kissed him deeply at the same time as he buried himself in me. "Oh my, Bella. I'm so sorry. This wont last long," he said, apologetically.

"No, no, it's okay," I said. I moved against him and he shuddered. "Please. I need to feel you move."

I didn't have to ask twice, before he was thrusting into me, hard and fast. I gripped his shoulders so hard, and I was briefly thankful that he wasn't human, or I'm sure I would have bruised and broken his skin. He seemed to like it. When I moved to meet his thrusts, Carlisle growled, and encouraged, I moved to meet every one. Soon enough I felt a now familiar pressure building inside me, and I was gasping.

"Yes, that's it! Please, I'm so close again," I begged.

He caught on quickly, and before I could even process it, his fingers were stroking my clit with incredible speed. "Cum for me, Bella," he whispered. "Cum with me."

And just as I started to explode for the second time that night, I felt him bury himself inside me to the hilt, before he shuddered, spilling his cool seed inside me.

I trembled, clinging to him as the aftershocks of our incredible sex still gripped me. He pressed his cool lips against my forehead. When I finally started coming back around again, I felt Carlisle's fingers unclasp my bra, before tossing it in the trash with my ruined panties. I looked up at him confused.

"Alice would kill you if you wore them with something that didn't _match_," he said, looking at me appalled. I laughed, realizing he was right. She would have my head. We lay there for long moments, silent. I was afraid to speak, afraid that either of us would say something that could dispel this wonderful feeling.

And before I could think of anything to say, or even move, the darkness claimed me. And wouldn't you know it, I went without dreams the whole damn night.

* * *

I gave Bella over an hour before I finally went up to check on her, concerned. I cracked her door, and three things struck struck me. The room reeked of vampire, and it wasn't _Fagward._ Two, the air was permeated with a sent that I didn't quite recognize. And three, Bella was passed out. I didn't have the heart to wake her, fully aware that this was probably the first time she's slept in weeks. I could ask her about these things in the morning.

I checked my watch. It was well past midnight, and by now I was sure Charlie was staying the night in La Push with my father. It was too late for me to go back tonight and I'd promised Bella I would stay. _How bad can couch crashing be?_ I figured. I only did it all the time at Sam' stomach growled loudly, announcing the fact that at least that part of me wished I was there now, in a house full of Emily's cooking.

_Maybe there's something in the fridge. I'm sure Charlie and Bella wouldn't mind if I helped myself._..

I woke to the feeling of the sunshine on my face, and I realized with embarrassment that I must have fallen asleep last night. _Last night. Was that even real?_ I wondered. I sat up in bed, and realized that though I had fallen asleep naked, I no longer was. _No way Jake did that._ I grinned when I realized I was wearing the very same black shirt I had admired on Carlisle last night. My lower half was clad in plain cotton panties, and the sleep pants that I'd had draped over the back of my computer chair. I smiled to myself for a moment before I realized something in horror. I had left Jake downstairs last night and never returned.

I jumped up and ran down the stairs at a speed I should have known would spell disaster. And sure enough, just as I was halfway down the stairs, my feet went flying out from under me. I squeezed my eyes shut, bracing myself for impact, but it never came. Instead, nearly unbearably warm hands gripped my upper arms, carefully righting me.

I dared to open my eyes, and was faced with Jacob. I threw my arms around him, hugging him tightly, and he patted my back awkwardly. "I am so sorry! I didn't mean to fall asleep on you last night. I am so embarrassed."

He grinned, and all the worry seeped out of me. "It's fine, Bell. I looked in on you after a little over an hour, and you were out cold. I didn't have the heart to wake you. Did you finally sleep?" He asked, wiggling his eyes suggestively.

I smacked his arm, blushing madly. "I slept just fine, thank you," I said coolly.

"Bell, when I went in your room last night..." Jake said, awkwardly. I looked up at him, panicked. Did he see something... "No, it's nothing... Bad. I just know you weren't alone. But if it wasn't _Fagward_, which leech was it?" he asked. I grimaced, not sure what to tell him. "You don't have to tell me," he said quickly. "It's none of my damn business, I guess, I just wondered.

I sighed, feeling torn. "I, uh..." I stuttered. I couldn't tell him. I just couldn't. It wasn't fair to keep dragging people into this mess when I had no idea of the direction I was headed. "I can't Jake. I just can't. Things are really messed up right now. I know we never got the chance to talk last night, but that fight with Edward... it was really bad," I said.

Jake steered me into the living room, and we sat down on the couch together. "Take your time," he reassured. "I'll do my best to keep my temper under control so you can finish."

I nodded, swallowing down the anger, sadness and guilt. It would be good to talk to someone about some of this. "Like I said, I exploded on him. I was so angry, Jake. I try to see where he's coming from, but I just can't. I started yelling at him, and I told him not to touch me. I ran off. I told him that if he tried to follow me home... I told him I'd sick the pack on him," I whispered, ashamed.

Jake whooped in laughter, and I shot him an icy glare. "Sorry," he mumbled, his cheeks red, looking properly ashamed.

"I was just so angry. But more so, I was tired. I feel like I've been running in circles for the past year. He refuses to let me make any choices for myself, insisting that it's for my own good, but then he refuses to make me his equal. He talks of love and all these things, but I'm not sure he knows what he's saying anymore. We'll have maybe sixty years together if I'm human. In that time, I'm not going to have children, I'm not going to leave any lasting mark on this earth. I'll die, and he'll live forever. What's sixty years in the face of eternity? It's nothing. Absolutely nothing. And the way I see it, if he's going to let that happen, then that's exactly what I must mean to him. Nothing."

Jake looked up at me, as though he were going to say something about it, but then he thought better. "You know, back in Italy, I still thought that as soon as we returned he would leave again, and I... I nearly went mental. I freaked out, Jacob. I scared myself with the way I reacted. That's so far from healthy. I don't want to be that kind of girl, who loses her identity to love."

"Bella, it's not real love if you do," he said, gently. I understood that he didn't say it to influence me. For once, Jake wasn't seeing sides or advantages. He just saw me, and how lost I was. He tried to be my anchor, but what he didn't understand was that I didn't need one. With each minute that ticked by, my future became firmer, and I knew that at least subconsciously I had already been aware my path was leading this way.

"I'm just so sick of spending all my time feeling unworthy. Even though I know I'm not, at least with the rest of the Cullen's I feel like I'm on equal footing. Edward's the only one who treats me like a child. He's the only one who takes away my choices. He's the one hell-bent on keeping it this way too. And I just don't understand why," I ground out, angrily. "I just... It used to be that I spent every moment with him loving him, and wanting him. And lately, it's just like every moment we spend together I'm annoyed, or angry, or disappointed, or upset. Somehow the bad moments started outweighing the good, and I don't even know when it happened," I said sadly.

Jake pulled me into a tight embrace, and kissed the top of my head as I cried into his shoulder again. "I just don't know how things got so screwed up," I cried. "And I don't want to hurt anyone. And even if he is an idiot, he doesn't deserve this. And I don't want to lose my family. Not any of them. Even Rosalie!" I wailed.

Jake shook me, not entirely gently. "Bella. Snap out. Of. It," he commanded. I stopped crying immediately. "Yeah, this sucks. But if that bloodsucker cares about you half as much as he said he does, he'll understand. You need to do what's best for you, and you don't need to apologize for it. If everyone apologized every time we unintentionally hurt someone, we'd all be blue in the face." He brushed aside a stray hair from my face and tucked it behind my ear, and gave me a small smile. Then his face brightened. "You never even asked why I was here last night, anyhow."

I rolled my eyes, smiling wryly. "Alright, Jake. Why were you here last night?" I asked, humoring him.

"I imprinted."

You could have dropped a pin in the silence that settled over the room just then. I tried to take in what he'd said, but I still tried to reject the idea a little. He was my Jacob. And now some unknown girl, his imprintee had swooped in and stolen him. Not that my feeling for Jake had ever been like that, but I couldn't help but feel like this would change our friendship, and it frightened me, especially now, with everything in my life being upended again.

"Who is it?" I asked in a small voice.

"Her name's Angela," he said, and I looked up sharply.

_Please, oh please no. Not her. Anyone but her._ "Angela who?"

"Weber. Angela Weber." I squeezed my eyes shut, struggling not to unleash a torrent of unexplainable rage on him, one of few, and now probably only friends left.

"How much does she know already?" I asked him, only now daring to peek. He looked sheepish. "How much?" I shouted.

"Everything."

"Fuck. About vampires, too?" I asked. He nodded. "So... about me." He didn't have to say anything at all.

"Bella, it's okay. Well, not exactly. Naturally she freaked at first," He said, and I snorted. "But she's just curious now, Bella. I thought it wouldn't be so bad, you know. For her to understand, about you... and everything. She wants to talk to you," he said. His voice got higher at the end, almost as though it were a question.

"Of course I'll talk to her," I said. "I just... I don't want her to hate me. Or them. I'm begging you, Jake. I've never begged you before. Don't poison her against them. Against us. Because no matter what, I am a part of them," I said.

"I know that, Bella," Jake warned. I could see him gnawing on the corner of his mouth, trying to contain his anger. "I am well aware that it's too late to wrench you away from leeches, and I am trying very hard to still keep you a part of my life. Let me let you in on a little secret. It isn't easy!" He shouted.

I could see his body shaking, and his face was turning red. I stopped, and put my hand on his shoulder. He looked me in the eyes. "Jake. Get control again. Do you need to go outside?" I asked, gently.

He sucked in a few deep breaths, and seemed to calm himself for now. "No. I'll be fine. I can deal. What I was saying, though, Bells, is that you need to cut me a little slack. The pack has only stopped just short of forbidding our friendship."

"You mean Sam has," I said bitterly.

"Okay, yes, Sam," he said bluntly. "But can you blame him? See things from his point of view. You're a liability. A weak spot, for me at least. It's hard for me to want to, or even be able to hurt the Cullens if I needed to. I know what it would do to you, and it always stops me short."

I nodded, and it was quiet for a moment. "When does Angela want to talk to me?" I asked. "Where? I don't think it's a good idea to go down to La Push. It would only send Alice and Edward into a tailspin."

Jake grinned. "I don't see a problem." I shot him an icy glare, and he shrank back. "All right, all right. Any time, really. Say the word, and I'll call her. She's not busy today. Are you busy today?" He fired all this off in rapid succession.

"Slow down there, Fido," I warned. I thought about it, for a moment, considering that I should probably go and talk to Edward today, but then I reconsidered. What does it matter if I let him sweat a day or too. It certainly wouldn't hurt to talk to Carlisle first, either. "Sure. Yeah, call her. I'd be happy to see her today. It's been too long." He nodded, going into the kitchen and picking up the phone.

Angela was one of the few friend's I'd made an active bid not to lose during my 'zombie days' as Jake refers to them as. She was the perfect kind of friend, the perfect kind of person. She never judged, and she never pressured anything. Whenever she's curious about something, she usually keeps quiet, being of the credence that if someone wants you to know something, they'll tell you in time. And it worked. I was more likely to tell Angela something without her asking than I would be to say... Jake if he did. Few things shocked her, which I guess did make her the perfect kind of girl for Jake. I looked up when I heard Jake's soft murmuring from the kitchen. Then I heard what I could have _sworn_ was a kissy noise, before I heard him place the receiver back in the cradle and come back into the room.

"Did the two of you really just make kissy noises at each other?" I asked, making a face at him. I was trying desperately to hold my laughter in.

His face was suddenly a blank mask. "No," He said quickly.

My eyes went wide, and the laughter bubbled over, breaking out of me. "Oh my god, you did! Big bad werewolf, making kissy noises at his girlfriend!" I cried.

He blushed darkly, staining his deep brown cheeks nearly maroon. "Shut up!" He begged.

"Oh, forget about that. Next time you piss me off, I'll tell _everyone_," I threatened.

"Forget you," he grumbled. "I have to go pick up Angela."

My eyes flew up the clock on the wall, confused. 11:47. _Shit._ "How did you let me sleep that late?" I asked.

He shrugged. "You needed it. Now stay put. I'll be right back."

He moved towards the door. "Wait! How are you going to get her?" I asked.

"Running," he said, giving me a look, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"With her." It was a statement, not exactly a question.

"Some girls ride bareback." He grinned.

I made a disgusted sound at the innuendo, and chucked a crumpled napkin at him. My aim was shoddy and it missed, as he ducked out the door, both of us laughing.

I looked out the window of the kitchen door after him, but he was already long gone. I went back upstairs to change into something more modest. Yanking out a pair of fresh jeans from the closet, my favorite pair, I quickly pulled them up and buttoned them. They where faded to nearly white in some places, and had holes in the knees, but they were the softest jeans I'd ever owned. They felt like butter going on, my legs melting into them. I didn't have the heart to take off the shirt just yet. Instead, I put a bra on, and settled for spraying some of my perfume to cover up Carlisle's scent. It wasn't perfect, but I knew it would muddle it up enough to make it indistinguishable.

I slipped on my flip flops and a hoodie, before I headed downstairs to track down some fast breakfast. My plans were cut down when I realized we were out of eggs, immediately followed by realizing we were out of milk, too. Grumbling, I shoved a pop-tart into the toaster as I heard the front door open behind me. I turned to see Jake setting down a gallon of milk on the edge of the counter. I smiled at him gratefully, when I saw Angela's head poke tentatively over his shoulder.

"Bella!" She said, her face breaking out into a smile. She weaved her way around Jacob gracefully, and quickly came to wrap her arms around me in a hug. It had been a little while since I'd seen her last, and I almost forgotten how tall she was. Ever towering over me at roughly six feet, she was still almost a foot shorter than Jacob. As we sat in the kitchen, the three of us eating and talking, there were no overt displays of affection, but it was easy to tell that they fit together. Their easy banter, and the way they worked around each other and together was unmistakable. Their body language was indicative of two people who been together much longer than days, which it couldn't have been more than, though I had asked Jake every question other than when.

"Bella, I had no idea," Angela started. "Everything makes so much more sense now!"

"I'm sorry, Ang. I wished I could have told you," I said, but she stopped me.

"It wasn't your secret to tell," she said. "I'm not mad. You were just being a decent person. How crummy would it have been for you to tell me against the Cullen's wishes? You were just doing what a decent person would."

I smiled, relieved. "You really are a remarkable person, you know that?" I was glad that if Jacob had to imprint on someone, it would be her. I knew that she was someone who could live in our world comfortably, and I just knew then that she would be the one to mediate the many stupid fights between Jacob and I over the years, and that's when it hit me.

I couldn't imagine a future without this boy... or man, rather, in it. My brother, my friend, he was an absolutely integral part of my life, as much as it infuriated Edward. It didn't matter to me. Jacob was here when Edward was not, and even though he was still overbearing at times, he didn't even reach Edward's level of irrational. I don't think anyone could, honestly.

It was almost two when Charlie came home to find the three of us still in the kitchen, hanging out and talking. He looked rough around the edges, and I knew he had to be recovering from a hangover. "Hey, Bells, Jake. Who's this?" He asked, his voice sounding crunchy like gravel.

I grinned, know this would throw my father for a loop. "Dad, this Angela. You've met her before. She's Jake's new _girlfriend,"_ I said with a smug smile.

He looked confused, then surprised, and finally, a little disappointed. "Girlfriend. Well. Hi, Angela. It's nice to meet you," he said. "If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go and shower, and never drink with your father again," he said, directing the last bit at Jacob.

We all cracked smiled, and when Charlie was upstairs, I turned to Angela, with smirk. "Charlie's been hoping I'll profess my undying love and intent to marry Jacob any day now," I explained, and she raised an eyebrow. "I know, right?"

"Thanks, Bells. You really know how to make a guy feel confident around here," he quipped.

Angela reached up to grasp his hand and squeezed gently. I smiled at the small display of solidarity. "Your ego's plenty big enough, Jake," she said. "You'll be fine." She looked up at the clock. "However, if I don't go home soon and help with dinner, I will not. And neither will you, really. You need to clean up beforehand. He's supposed to be meeting the family tonight," she explained.

"Ah. I see. It's fine. I think it's probably high time I face the music, anyhow," I said. She looked confused. "Oh, you know, the usual. I melted Edward's face last night with my screaming. Gotta go paste it back together now," I said, nonchalant. "We can talk about it later, when I have more to tell you," I promised.

I stood to hug Jake and Angela both in turn while they got their things together, and before I knew it, I was standing in the kitchen alone again. My stomach fluttered with butterflies as I thought about going to talk to Edward. I didn't want to. I just wanted to put this off indefinitely. Just pretend that it could wait, but I knew that would be the coward's way out, and I was bigger than that.

I had the foresight to go and change my shirt before leaving, and I knocked on the door to Charlie's bedroom. "Yeah?" He called, sounding miserable.

"I'm going down to the Cullen's. I'll be back tonight," I said.

"Alright. Drive safe. Buckle up. Consider dumping him," Charlie slipped the last one in there quickly, and I made a sound of disgust, before grabbing my keys and leaving the house.

"Bella," Alice said, surprised, when she opened the front door. "I didn't expect you," she said, genuinely.

"I know. I was with Jake today," I said, and her eyes narrowed. "Don't Alice. He imprinted on a friend of mine. She had a lot of questions. It's been a long day. Is Edward here?" I asked.

"Yeah," she said, carefully. Her eyes shifted away from mine. "He's up in his room..."

"Is there something you need to tell me, Alice?" I asked suspiciously.

"I'm sorry about the way things went last night," she said evasively. "I'll talk to you later. Go on up."

I climbed the stairs, and I paused outside the door to Edward's room when I realized I heard voices from within. One was Edward's deep baritone, the other high and sickeningly sweet, but mostly unfamiliar. "Come in, Bella," Edward called.

I opened the door and stepped inside, seeing Edwards sitting on the bed with this other person. It was a female, another vampire, and one of the most beautiful I'd seen. She had perfectly arched eyebrows and high, slanted cheekbones that were framed by a cascade of strawberry blond curls. I'd hear her described before and I knew it could be only one person. Tanya. She stood, smiling, and held out her hand. "Bella. It's nice to finally meet you. Edward has told me so much."

I reached out to shake her hand, and murmured something polite and vague, before she excused herself, shutting the door gently behind her. I turned to Edward, on edge now, not knowing what to make of her visit. "Bella."

"Edward," I said, carefully. He gestured to the empty spot on the bed next to him that Tanya had occupied not moments before. I sat there uncomfortably, and Edward wrinkled his nose.

"You stink," he said.

"Yeah, and you smell like a field of flowers," I snapped, irritably. "If you're trying to get off on a good start, you're failing miserably," I said.

He nodded his head a little. "I know. I know I need to be serious. Last night was a disaster."

I glared at him. "Could you cram your foot any farther into your mouth, Edward?" I asked. "Seriously, I want to know." He was silent. "What was she doing here, anyhow?" I asked.

"We were talking. I needed someone to talk to, and she was due for a visit," he said.

"And you honestly though it innocent and inconspicuous for you to be in here, alone, with the girl who considers you the one who got away?" I scoffed at the idea.

"Bella, we were just talking," he said. "It _was _innocent."

I rubbed my eyes, frustrated, and raked a hand through my hair, pushing it back off of my face. "I guess I know that. It doesn't matter, though. It's not the point, and Tanya or no Tanya, we'd still have to have this conversation."

"I guess I know that as well," he said, mirroring my own mood now. Melancholy, but mostly resigned.

"Things aren't working, Edward," I said. He reached to take my hand, but I yanked it away. "Let me talk. Don't interrupt me. This needs to be said."

I took a deep breath, staring down at my lap. I couldn't meet his eyes. I was afraid that if I did I would lose my nerve, I wouldn't be able to say everything I needed to. "Things haven't been working for a while now. When you left, I nearly died. Jake was the only reason I had to keep going. I was out of my mind with grief, and he helped me put the pieces back together. Then you came back, it was as though you thought it should be like nothing had changed. We could just go back to being perfect. But things did change. When you left, you broke something. And you're back now, and it's still broken. I don't know that it can be fixed, or if I even want it to."

"Bella, we can work on things. I know we can if we just give it a shot," he promised. I shook my head, looking up at him, and there was an expression on his face that I found vaguely familiar. It took me a moment, but it was then that I realized he was crying. Being a vampire, there would not be the release that others could have, of actual tears. This pitiful expression was the only thing he would have, and my heart ached for it.

"We can't Edward, because I've been trying to tell you for the longest time, and you're just not listening to me. You're desperate to keep me weak, and human. I'll die, and years will pass, and I'll only be a blip on your radar. You want me to stay human for you, but for what? I'll be a human living in the vampire world. I won't get to have any vampire experiences, and I won't get to have human ones, either. I'll never know the satisfaction of being with you fully, or giving you children. I'll have to lie all of the time to explain away why I'm with you. At first it will be easy. You can be seventeen, or even eighteen, nineteen, twenty. But we can only pretend you're older to a certain point. What do we say when I'm thirty? Or forty? Or fifty? I'll start to feel like a pedophile. And meanwhile, I can't do things as a vampire. I can never horse around with you guys. I can never hunt with you. I'll always be slowing you down. You'll constantly be reminding yourself that I'm human. I'll be holding you all back, and it's not fair. You can't ask that of me," I told him.

"Bella, love... If that's what it takes to keep you..." He trailed off, his perfect face contorted in anguish. "I'll give it to you. If that's what it takes."

I pressed my fist against my mouth, as waves of guilt crashed over me. "It's too little too late. I'll be changed, just the same. I have no choice now. I know you don't think so, but the Volturi are breathing down our necks. It'll be done, by Carlisle at the least, but it can't save us now. It can't save this," I said, gesturing between us.

"Is there anything I can do to change your mind?" He asked.

I shook my head. "I'm so sorry. But can you do me one last thing?" I asked.

He put his hand on my knee. "Anything, Bella."

"Could you tell Alice that I'm really sorry?" I asked.

Edward looked up, bewildered. "Why?"

I reached up and rubbed at my own neck, feeling awkward. "Well, I uh... for not being around. I'll miss her, you know."

Edward laughed, and I looked up, sharply. "What is so funny?" I demanded.

"Bella," he said, between laughter and gulps of air. "Do you really think..." _Laugh, laugh, gulp._ "That I..." _Laugh, laugh, gulp._ "Would stop you from seeing Alice? Or any of them?"

I reached over and punched him in the arm. "Cut it out! It's not funny," I said. "I figured you probably wouldn't want me around here much, you know what with us not being together."

"Oh, Bella," he said, looking at me like I was simple minded, or something. He folded me into a hug, and I let him, confused. "I'm upset, sure. Upset is actually putting it lightly. But if you feel this way, I'll respect your wishes. Thanks to Alice, I'm a firm believer in the fact that everything happens for a reason. I want to try to be your friend. I'm certainly not cruel enough to try and keep you from my family."

"Really?" I asked, the sound muffled in his shoulder. Hope sprung up within me, unbidden.

"Of course not! We love you, all of us. And I know you love each of us fiercely. Even me, even if it isn't the kind of love I want. Besides. Carlisle promised to change you, and I clearly cannot do anything about it. And when you're a newborn, you can't be left alone. You'll have to stay with us, or at least Tanya's family for a year or two. It would do little good to kick you out now, only to have to move you in when the summer rolls around."

I breathed a deep sigh of relief. "Oh, thank God. I couldn't lose all of you again."

Suddenly there was a sharp rapping on the door. "For the love of all that is sweet and good, could the two of ya keep it down in there. I can hardly stand to feel all of this. You are bein' terribly inconsiderate," Jasper called.

I grinned, in spite of his obvious discomfort, and I threw open the door, launching myself at him in a hug. He stilled, not breathing, and patted my back awkwardly. "What on earth is goin' on in here?"

"I'm just very happy!" I said, stepping back, blushing madly. I cannot believe I just threw myself at Jasper like that.

"Clearly. I cannot help but be intrigued as to what the cause is."

"Edward's not kicking me out of the family." If anything, Jasper looked more confused and I rolled my eyes. "You can stop pretending you couldn't hear the entire conversation."

Jasper gave me a wry smile. "Bella, Bella. Silly human. Just because we can hear, doesn't mean we listen. But I'll save you the trouble by telling you I think I've got the gist of it. Alice as well," he told me, and suddenly it was as if a light bulb went on inside me, and things started clicking together.

"Alice you say? Where is she?" But before I could even finish, there she was, right behind Jasper.

"Yes, Bella?" She asked, expectantly. If she ever slept, I would have said she was dressed for bed, in fuzzy pajama pants and a silky tank top.

I shook my head at her, and grabbing her by the shoulders, I marched her down the hall to her room. "Get dressed in something a little less comfortable. We're going... I swallowed audibly. "Shopping."

* * *

**Don't think Alice is getting off the hook that easily. Oh no. But really, how else was Bella supposed to get her out of the house? Review. Tell me what you think. What you like and don't like. You get chapters faster that way.  
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	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer- See chapter one.**

**A/N: I broke fifty reviews! I love you guys. Sorry about the delay in getting this out. I'm not entirely satisfied with this chapter, but I covered each person that I wanted to, so... Just to clarify things, Alice hasn't caught on yet because even though Bella's been dreaming a lot about him, other than her doctor's appointment, her only real encounter with Carlisle was last night. Until Bella made the choice to give in, there was nothing to see. And in the middle of the lemony goodness Bella, and apparently all of you guys too forgot... JAKE WAS RIGHT DOWNSTAIRS. Thank god Bells isn't a screamer... Happy reading!**

**Chapter Six**

I didn't protest when Alice insisted on driving. Not did I protest when she insisted on taking Carlisle's Mercedes. All in all, by the time we got on the road, Alice was on edge.

She glanced over at me suspiciously. "We're not really going shopping, are we?"

"We are. Head to Port Angeles," I directed. "But more importantly, we're getting out of hearing range. I'll let you buy me whatever you want today, and let you play Bella Barbie every day this week, but you had better start fessing up," I warned her.

She pursed her lips unhappily. "Fine." Alice grimaced. "I have a headache. I didn't even know it was possible to get headaches. And you know why I have one?"

I shook my head. "Beats the hell outta me."

"It's all your fault. You spend so much time with the mutt lately that by the time your future reappears again, you've decided to go see him, or he's decided to go see you, and there you disappear again! I only get to see quick glimpses." She frowned.

"Have you ever thought about not looking so much?" I asked. "Privacy is clearly too much to ask for among Cullens." I eyed the speedometer, warily, noting that Alice was pushing ninety. "Some of us are still painfully human, you know. Please try not to kill me."

Alice snorted derisively. "Bella, you are awfully grumpy, and by now we are well out of hearing range. Please tell me what is going on," she asked.

She was so polite and matter of fact that I wanted to strangle her. "It's about you! You're a cryptic little bint and it's driving me nuts," I snapped.

I could swear I saw the beginning of a smile tug at the corners of her mouth. "Bella, you're being rude. I don't know what you mean."

"Alice..." I warned, biting down on my lip. "It's necessary... It will all be worth it... It'll fix everything... He wont be able to resist you?" I asked. "Hello?"

She turned to look at me, shock in her eyes. "He didn't did he?" She asked, clearly worried.

I looked at her like she was nuts. "Hello, Alice? Where the hell have you been? Of course he did! It didn't fix squat, we broke up! Where have you..." I trailed off, as I noticed to playfully smile flitting across her lips. "Alice?"

"Who said I was talking about Edward..?"

* * *

"Carlisle, love?" I looked up to see Esme standing in the doorway to my study.

I smiled up at her, beckoning her to me. "Come in," I said.

"Actually, I was hoping we could go for a walk," she said suggestively.

I gave a small smile, setting down my paperwork, and followed her outside. I looked to her for encouragement, and her nod was almost imperceptible, but it was enough for me, and I broke into a run. I didn't have to listen for her near silent footfalls or even look behind me to know she would be following me.

The colors of the forest streaked by in one great blur, no match for my speed. Some time later, far away from the house, sure we had, privacy I stopped. Esme slipped her hand in mine, and I took it, more out of habit at this point in time than anything else. I couldn't help but marvel at how cool and firm her flesh was in comparison to Bella's, and I felt disgusted with myself. What we had done was wrong enough, but to compare the two was truly shameful.

"You wanted to talk?" I asked, gently. "Is something bothering you?"

"Bella and Edward broke up today," she said, and I couldn't help but freeze, surprised.

"Did they," I said, absently, trying to appear nonchalant.

"Yes. Bella ended things with him," She said. She paused next to a fallen log, and sat out of habit. She looked up at me, and I had a hard time not looking away. "Did you know?"

I could answer honestly. "I had no idea. But, I cannot say I'm surprised," I also admitted. "Edward, in his quest to prove his love often does the opposite. Jasper has mention she often feels insignificant or inadequate with him."

"I know. That son of ours can be so very clueless when it comes to love." The corner of Esme's mouth turned up slightly. "Tanya was with him when Bella came to speak with him," she said meaningfully.

This did surprise me. It was a development I hadn't expected, and I was unsure what to make of it. Tanya's feelings were common knowledge, and although Edward has never discouraged her, he never gave her reason to pursue them either. "Really?" I asked. She nodded. "I can tell you I did not see this coming. I wonder..." I trailed off, wistfully.

"As do I. Carlisle, you know I love you, right?" She asked timidly. I was surprised at the sudden turn the conversation had taken, as well as her demeanor. This was unlike Esme, shying away.

"I know. I love you as well." Though Esme and I had drifted apart, for all that we'd shared over the decades, I cared for her deeply, fiercely, but perhaps not in the fashion she needed. Not in the fashion she deserved.

"I'm not stupid, though. I fear for our family. I would fear for us..." She trailed off, grief etched in her features. "But there's not been an us to fear for in quiet some time, has there?" She asked.

It was a shock to hear Esme of all people admit to this. She had clung to our marriage as though it were a lifeline. It had made her desperate in the last century. Any time I worked late, she would make wild accusations, and she wanted to spend every moment with me. She asked me before we moved to Forks to take several years off, a vacation of sorts, and was furious for a good few months when I refused. I know she felt neglected, and I had been sorry, but I never worked any more or less no matter where we were, and I felt upset that she didn't or wouldn't understand. Working as a doctor was the thing that gave my life meaning. I was comforted to know that unlike others of my kind, I was saving lives instead of taking them. How does one take a break from that?

"No, I suppose not," I admitted, sadly. "Esme, dear..."

"You don't have to say anything, Carlisle," she assured me. "I've seen this end coming for some time. I didn't want to admit it, but I have to face the facts. It's rare that we say I love you. Other than that weekend last month, we haven't made love in... at least two years."

I looked down, ashamed, well aware of the weekend she'd spoken of. I had hoped that by making love to Esme I could rid myself of this... obsession I'd had with Bella, but it was useless. After I'd been with Bella, I just couldn't rid my system of her. "I'm so sorry, Esme. We should have tried harder..."

Esme shook her head, placing her hand on mine. "Carlisle, do not. If we were really meant for each other, we wouldn't have let things get so terribly out of hand. It's clear that we're been holding onto something that isn't real."

I looked to her, torn. I felt as though a heavy burden had been lifted from me, but also I couldn't help but feel that I failed. "What does this mean for us? For the family?" I asked her.

"We can't be together any longer, Carlisle. It's not fair to us, or the true mates that we have somewhere out there."

I knew she was right, but it didn't make the concept of ending a decades long marriage any easier to comprehend. "So... Where do we go from here?" I asked, lost.

"Well, we'll file for divorce... I think it's a good idea for one of us to move into a new room," She said slowly.

"I'll move. You can take the room. It's mostly your territory," I said with a smile. I never minded much what the rooms look like, and was always happy to let Esme take care of the decoration. Whereas fashion was Alice and Rosalie's thing, interior decoration was all Esme.

The only room I ever took care of was my office. That was my haven. It was the one place in the house that was mine and only mine. Two walls were lined with built in recessed shelving, filled mostly with books, but it had the occasional nicknack or framed photo from my many years of travels. One wall, the wall that was at the back of the house was lined with windows that reached from ceiling to about thigh, and it had smaller shelves underneath it, with cushion on top to form a long window seat. Finally the last wall, the one I placed my desk next to, was dark cherry wood paneling, and had a large painting of myself with Aro, Caius, and Marcus, from my time in Italy. All of the furniture was done in dark, glossy cherry wood, the furniture upholstered in deep, rich colors.

"I'll move the rest of my things into the spare room," I said.

"Oh, but sweetheart, we made that Bella's room, remember?" She said.

I shook my head. "Oh, yeah. I forgot. Um... I guess, just pack my stuff up. I'll find a place for it later. What about telling the others?" I asked. I was still in a bit of a shock at all the changes taking place today, I couldn't help but fall back into old roles. I just let Esme call all the shots.

"Well, there's no hiding it from Alice. And hiding things from Edward can be so difficult," she said. I fought not to laugh. _You're telling me._ "We're going to have to tell them. I don't know how they'll take it. I mean, I'm sure Alice has had time to prepare. Edward might have some inkling, as well as Jasper. I don't know. Maybe they won't be surprised at all," she said sadly.

"When do you want to do this?" I asked.

She thought for a moment. "The sooner, the better, I think. All in one go. Nice and clean." She turned to head towards the house again, but paused. "Carlisle?" She asked.

"Yes?"

"Tread carefully. Many hearts hang in the balance."

* * *

"How long have you known?" I asked her. We were in the dressing rooms of some ridiculously expensive store Alice had made a bee line for. I had waited until we were out of the range of others before I started asking the questions.

"Well, I saw your appointment, but it took me by surprise. It was a spur of the moment thing. And I missed out on last night thanks to the mutt, but I'm assuming something happened," she said, vaguely. "Come out of there, will you. I want to see what I'm buying."

Rolling my eyes, I cracked the door, and Alice swooped into the dressing room booth with me. She took one look at me and squealed. Looking into the mirror on the wall, I couldn't help but agree. She had me in a simple blue dress. It was a little shorter than I was used to, coming in at about three inches above my knee. It had a v-neck that reached down to the the bottom of the empire waist, meaning I would have to wear a tank top underneath it. It was a very dark teal, and Alice mentioned something about it playing of the brown of my eyes, but it's not like any of her fashion psycho babble made any sense to me anyhow.

"Yes, just so you know, _something_ did happen," I told her, while wriggling into a pair of dark indigo washed flare jeans she'd gotten me. For the longest time she'd tried to get me into skinny jeans, but they drove me nuts. I felt like my ankles were being choked. "And I cannot believe that you kept this from me. Or more to the point, I cannot believe you kept this from Edward. How?" I asked. "And how are you not more offended by me being a complete home wrecker?"

Alice snorted. "Hiding things from Edward get easier the longer you're around him. You build up natural barriers, and just learn to think of other things around him, really. And Bella, you're not a home wrecker. There hasn't been a home to wreck in several years. Esme left Carlisle today," She said absentmindedly.

I froze in place, stricken. "Oh my God. Oh my God, Alice. This is all my fault," I said, panicked.

"Bella, if you get hysterical, I'm going to have to slap you, and I know you'll get offended by that," she warned. "And you're being a little self centered. No offense, but you alone couldn't break up a decades long marriage. It took more than that, sweetie. Esme's been thinking about this for a while," she assured.

We gathered our things, exiting the dressing room. "It's just that when you broke up with Edward, Esme finally got the courage," Alice explained. We headed toward the registers, but not before Alice scooped up an entire shelf of lace trimmed cotton camisoles. I gaped at her, and she smiled. "What?" She asked. "One in every color for you, me, Rose, and Esme," she explained, as though it were the most obvious thing in the world.

I looked away from the total when Alice slammed down a very shiny, very elite looking glossy black credit card. The sales person was suddenly all smiles and pleases and thank yous and calling Alice 'miss.'

_Maybe you should just be nice to all of your customers in the first place instead of just the rich ones_, I thought, disgusted. Alice and I piled on the shopping bags, and she practically floated out of the store as I trailed behind her, trying to catch up. I don't think I've ever seen Alice quite as happy as she was when she was shopping. Spending money was that girl's passion, I would swear to anyone who would listen. No one could disagree.

We were wandering aimlessly, waiting for Alice to see another store she just couldn't live without visiting, when I felt my stomach rumbled unhappily. Alice looked up, and smiled knowingly. "Oops. I forgot to feed the human," she said with a giggle.

The look on her face was just so funny, I had to laugh as well, and we doubled back in the direction of the food court. I looked around for a moment, before getting in line at a pizza place while Alice sat down. I turned around to face her. "Sure you don't want something, Alice?" I teased. "I bet the red head behind the counter is delicious," I teased.

"Bella," she hissed, her eyes wide. "You can be a real bitch sometimes," she said, biting her lip. I knew she was trying to stifle laughter.

As I sat down to eat with her, I peppered her with more questions. She had expertly dodged most of them so far, and though it drove me nuts, I couldn't doubt that she had her reasons. "It's always been a possibility. I saw a few visions, but they were always wispy and faint... Like smoke. They weren't solid. Not until last night, anyway," she admitted.

"Well, what now? What do I do now?" I asked.

"I can't tell you that, Bella. No one can. This is all you, sweetie. You need to choose and learn from this yourself," She said. "You are the only one that can shape your future."

* * *

"So... do you want to talk about it?" Tanya asked, gently. Everything about her was tentative and careful around me, as though she were walking on eggshells. Like she was cripplingly terrified she'd do the wrong thing, or say the wrong thing. She was always hoping that some time down the line I would change my mind about her, so he tried her hardest to never do or say anything that would hurt her chances.

I was sorry about it, but never sorry enough to discourage her. I felt selfish, but I didn't want to give up her friendship. She was an easy companion because of this behavior. She never pushed me, or asked too much. She was always okay with either not knowing, or waiting until I was ready to talk. She was a kind hearted person, and her thoughts were always like her, gentle and calm. Most of the time it was quiet with her here. "Not really." I paused. "Maybe. I guess... I don't understand. _She_ dumped _me._ I promised I would never leave her again after... you know. And I had hoped she would leave me sort of. I wanted a safer, simpler life for her you I guess at the same time it never occurred to me that she'd actually do it."

"Eddie... I don't mean to be cruel... But did you really not expect this?" She asked. I looked up, meeting her eyes, confused.

"Of course not."

"Your Bella, from what I've been told, is very independent, and self sufficient. She's also stubborn. But here you were, trying to make choices for her. You even told her that you knew better than she what was best for her." _Oh, Eddie... What were you thinking?_

"I have no idea," I said truthfully, in response to her unexpressed thoughts. "I don't know. I really did that. My God. I'm an idiot," I said, dropping my head into my hands.

_Can't argue with that. _My head snapped up, and I glared at her. "Sorry," she said, a sheepish grin on her face. I rolled my eyes, throwing my arm around her shoulders, pulling her close.

"Thanks for listening. Can't be easy, hearing me moon about Bella," I guessed.

"It's gotten easier with time, you know. I even have spare moments were I think of things other than you," she teased. I punched her shoulder, and she rubbed it, faking a wounded expression. "I wish you felt differently, but jeez. You're not the center of my universe. Far from it. You need to stop underestimating the women in your life, Edward. You keep digging yourself an awfully deep hole."

"I know, I know... You don't have to tell me."

* * *

Though I spent a lot of time with the family over the next few days, it was rarely at the Cullen's house. Things just felt... _different _there. Tanya was always there, for one, and Carlisle had moved out of Esme's room. It wasn't that the house was an unhappy or tense place... Not at all. These decisions and choices were mutual and without much hurt, but the house, and the family within it were changing. It was a hard adjustment, and not just for the vampires who had set in their ways over the years.

It was hard on the human, too. Me. I struggled to find my place within the family now that I was no longer 'belonging' to Edward. I felt as though I had come between Esme, even though Alice had tried to convince me my role in there split was miniscule, and even that was a stretch. And then there was Tanya. I didn't need to have Jasper's gift to know she was staying around for Edward. She was in love with him, and though I wasn't sure how I felt about it, or any of this, I was glad there was someone around to help him pick up the pieces.

And then there was the man himself. Carlisle. It was difficult to be in those house, surrounded by such perceptive vampires. It was difficult to control my emotions or my constant blushing and stuttering any time he came near. And anytime I did blush or stutter, he had a hard time controlling the smug smirk on his face. I wondered how long we could keep a lid on this secret, with a magic eight ball, a mood ring, and a mind reader all in the same house.

I wondered a lot of things these days. But on top of it all were two things. First and foremost, though no one knew where they fit in with the Cullen's these days, Tanya and I were definitely Cullens. And secondly, things were definitely changing for the Cullens.

* * *

**A/N: Don't hate me. Please. I know it was short, but if I felt that this was were I needed to leave this chapter, because next chapter is too different, and will have too much content, I think. Just hold tight, and tell me what you think.  
**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer- See chapter one. Also... I own none of these songs, even thought I desperately wish I did.**

**A/N: I like to think this chapter flows a lot better than the last. I want to thank my wonderful boyfriend for giving me a clue as to how Carlisle's probably feeling, and how to better characterize him. That was my stumbling block. Everyone else I had a pretty good idea of, but until a conversation the other day, Carlisle was a blind spot for me. Tell me if you like what I've done with him.**

**Chapter Seven**

It took a while, but things eventually settled into a rhythm again at the Cullen house, and we all adjusted to our new normal. Esme helped clear out the upstairs storage room at the end of the hall, and together all of the girls and I helped to transform it into Tanya's room. It broke poor Alice's heart that the room lacked a walk in closet, and Tanya had to be stuck with a two door closet unlike everyone else in the house.

I laughed, thinking about how everyone seemed to forget that poor Carlisle didn't even have a room anymore. Just an office. I mean, logically I realized he didn't need one, never sleeping and all, but I figured it was a little sad to be denied the formality. If it bothered him, he never showed it, instead being grateful that such tumultuous events hadn't torn his family apart.

It was hard to fine the time, and my... 'affair' I guess you could call it... with Carlisle became like a hit and run. We rarely ever got to sneak away, so when we saw an opportunity we took it, wherever we are. It was often cut short, and afterward we rarely talked about what occurred.

I sat at my desk, alone, desperately trying to find inspiration for my English term paper. School was drawing to a close, and I had to hurry to finish all of the assignments I'd fallen behind on. I felt a small shift in the air, and the tell-tale tingle on the back of my neck that let me know I wasn't alone, and I was being watched. A small smile played over my lips. "You can give up on sneaking up on me. It won't happen," I said, my voice laced with laughter.

I heard him swear, and I turned around in my chair to face him. "I don't get it. You can't hear me. You can't smell me. You can't see me. What gives it away?" He asked.

I smiled. "I don't know. It's like I've become attuned to your presence. It's like something in the air shifts. And I can always feel you staring at me."

He scowled. "I'll have to work on my sneaking skills, I guess."

I grinned wickedly. "There's a certain set of skills I would appreciate right now that need no work at all," I whispered, standing. I crossed the room to meet him, and he slid his arms around my waist, pulling me to him. My lips met his in a crushing kiss, and not wanting to waste any time, I pushed him down to the bed, my hands already working at his belt. It was always like this when he touched me. It was like a switch was flipped, and no matter what I had been doing, in an instant my body was burning, and I was hopelessly wet for him.

Foreplay? There was just no time for it. I gasped, as he yanked down my pants and underwear, and with no preamble, buried himself inside me. My eyes locked onto his, and I could barely breath at the intensity in his. "Please," I begged. "Touch me."

His fingers went to the place where our bodies met, working at a speed impossible for humans. "Bella... please tell me your close," he said, and the words came out strangled. "I'm not going to last," he warned.

I held him close as his thrusts became impossibly fast, the sensation building inside me rapidly, like a coil twisting tighter and tighter. "I'm close," I promised. "So close."

And just as staring into his eyes was becoming too intense, that coil, twisted tight within me exploded. I came so hard I saw stars, and as I spasmed around him, I felt him lose it too, burying himself inside me one last time, before I felt myself filled with him.

We lay there a while, panting, before we could even begin to collect ourselves. "Do we have time?" I asked. It was rare that we did, so I'd learned to appreciate the little we got, but some days he had long enough to stick around and talk. Rarely, we'd have more than an hour. I absolutely treasured those times.

"Yes," he said, and I felt his lips curved into a smiled, where they pressed against the side of my head.

"How long?" I asked, trying to beat down the hope within me.

"Not long enough, my sweet. My guess is forty five minutes," he said.

"What do you want to do?" I asked. The grin spread across his face slow and easy, and I knew I shouldn't have bothered asking.

Always insatiable.

* * *

Grinning, I quickly scaled the tree outside of Bella's room and hopped from the branch into her room, landing quietly. I looked at Bella, sitting up, pillows propped behind her on her bed. A bowl of popcorn sitting in her lap.

"We have three hours," I announced, trying to beat down the glee in my voice.

She put a finger to her lips, silencing me. "_We _have nothing," she said. "_I _have True Blood." She pointed to the TV, in explanation before beckoning me over to the bed.

She scooted forward, and I moved to sit behind her, placing her between my legs. I looked towards the TV, wondering what could be taking away my Bella's attention. I watched on entranced, and then amused as I realized what this show was about... Vampires.

I tried to hold back a laugh at first, but as the hour progressed, I couldn't help but be intrigued at this interpretation of my race. There were few similarities between them and us, but I found myself entertained nonetheless. I thought over it and realized with a shock that I don't think I'd ever actually watched TV before.

I mean, sure, I'd watched TV before, the news, the occasional movie or stray episode of a show, but I'd never actually watched. I'd never become a fan of a show, I'd never sat and aimlessly channel surfed. It seemed so fleeting and rather immature to invest myself in the lives of fictional character on a show that would run only a few years, never more than a decade usually. It had always seemed a waste to me.

But sitting here with Bella while she watched could have been entertainment on it's own. Her little gasps when something surprised her. The sharp intake of breath when there was a cliffhanger or plot twist. The way her eyes shined when she laughed at something funny. I'd never seen someone show so much emotion in the span of one hour before.

When the end credits finally rolled, she sat down the remote, still in shock. "Oh my God," she said, eyes wide, finally turning to face me.

I laughed. "Oh, my Bella. You can be so human."

Her mouth twisted for a moment, before she gave me a light swat on the shoulder. "And you are so... _old._" I had to hand it to her, it was a well aimed blow, but it failed to even face me, and I drew her into a deep kiss.

"You've kept me waiting, Bella. Did you enjoy your show?" I asked.

"I did," she said, resting her head against my shoulder. "Thank you for staying with me. And more importantly not making fun of me. Please, please, please do not tell anyone else I watch this!" She begged. "I'll never hear the end of this if Emmett find out." She clasped her hands together, and looked up at me expectantly.

I mulled over my options. She was presenting me with the perfect opportunity after all. Not sure what had gotten hold of me, I smirked, bringing Bella's hands to my belt.

She bit her lip, but undid the belt, and my jeans slowly but surely, and then boldly pulled out my already hardening arousal. She gave it an experimental stroke, and I growled.

"I like that sound," she admitted quietly. "Do it again."

Her request in such an innocent voice. I was hard like steel in that moment, and she didn't even have to ask. I growled again. "Your mouth, now." Her head jerked up, and her eyes met mine, perplexed. I grinned wickedly. "Or I tell Emmett."

The look in her eyes told me that I had her, and she stroked me a few more times before I felt the first tentative swipe of her tongue. "Oh, God."

"No, just me."

The feeling of her warm breath so close to my cock nearly made me see stars, and I was entire unprepared for her tongue swirling around the head. "Yes." She did it again. "Oh, fuck. Please."

I didn't have to ask again, and carefully she took the head into her mouth. I groaned, the sensation of her hot, wet mouth was something foreign to me, and it was easily the hottest thing I'd ever felt. Encouraged, she started to take more of me in, before I felt myself reach the back of her throat and she gagged. For a second I felt her throat constrict around me, and I nearly screamed. She was playing hell with my self control. I looked down at her, and the sight of her face between my legs, those perfect pink lips wrapped around me was nearly too much.

"Stop," I begged. I pulled myself out of her mouth with a small _'pop.'_

Anxiety flooded her eyes. "Did I do something wrong?" She asked. I couldn't control it, I laughed. "What, what is it?" She asked.

"Oh my God, no. You didn't do anything wrong, sweetheart. I just didn't want it to be over before it's started," I told her. Slinging an arm around her waist, I laid her gently down on the bed, helping her out of her shirt. The white tank top she wore under it was trimmed with lace, and it looked so deliciously innocent, that when she reached for the hem, I stopped her. "It stays."

She nodded, her hands already going to the button of her jeans. I unzipped them for her, tugging them down her slender but shapely legs. "Fucking Alice," I hissed, as I finally focused on the impossibly small satin thong Bella was wearing. It was deceptively innocent with a yellow and white polka dot pattern, little white bows accenting each curve of her hips. Combined with her tank top, I had a hard time remembering when I'd seen something sexier. _Probably tomorrow night._ I had to admit that every time I thought that, Bella's next outfit or mannerism made me eat my words.

I slipped my hand beneath the waistband of those wicked underwear, stroking her until she made those delicious sounds I loved so much. I dragged my fingers back and forth over that sweet little button of hers until she cried out. "Are you ready for me, my sweet?" I asked.

"Always," she said breathlessly.

I yanked the offending garment down to to her ankles, as she yanked down my jeans. Neither of us could be bothered to take off anything else in my rush to bury myself inside her. When I was in to the hilt, I pressed a kiss to her temple. "Have I ever told you that this is the only place I ever want to be?" I whispered.

She shook her head, tiny movements that were almost imperceptible. She knew my vampire eyes would catch the motion. She was getting good at these tiny cues. I captured her bottom lip, sucking and nibbling as I began to thrust into her. No matter how many times we did this, I could never get over how unbelievably tight and hot she felt around me, or how responsive she always was. The sounds she made, and the times she would moan my name always made my chest swell with pride, and always brought me that much closer to release.

"Carlisle," she choked out. I looked down at her, and her chocolate brown eyes met mine, as she said the words that always undid me. "I'm cumming."

And with that, I saw stars. It was as though every muscle in my body had been held taut and then suddenly let go. All the tension drained from my body, and in it's wake was this weak feeling. As a vampire, it was humbling, and glorious. It was one of the few times my barriers were down, and I owed it all to Bella.

"I think that may have been the best yet," she whispered.

"I think you might be right."

* * *

Over the next few weeks, Bella and I fell into a sort of pattern. As much of a pattern as we could have while sneaking around that is. I'd sneak off when I got the chance, and we'd have mad passionate sex, as Alice once phrased it to my horror. The rest of the time was filled with mindless banter, occasionally serious current events debates, and often, a round two, or even three if we had time. She'd sparked something inside of me, and people were noticing. It was almost nothing to hold up the charade these days, because it wasn't really a charade. I was smiling constantly. I'd often be seen at the grocery store, and it wasn't just for the weekly trip for appearances. I had been joining Bella each Sunday to watch True Blood, while telling everyone I was using the time to finish paperwork at the office, and Bella always had me pick up snacks on my way over.

Recently, Bella had been trying to get me to listen to some of her music, and when I protested, she pointed out that she wasn't even sure I'd listened to any music made after nineteen hundred. I grumbled, but I didn't think I could argue with her on this one.

"I prefer classical," I had once said, and she snorted.

"Uh-uh. Not happening, big boy. You're not getting out of this one," She said. "You're going to at least try."

So with less arguing on my part, Bella insisted that next time we see each other we were having what she referred to as an "unplugged" night. "You see, it's where I turn off everything else, and I do mean everything. Computer, TV, cell phone, lights... You name it. Everything except for my music, and I turn that way up. I can't even hear anything else. It used to drive Charlie nuts, but now he'll just go down to La Push. I find it really therapeutic. And I have a specific playlist for it. Only songs with lyrics that mean something. I don't have a whole lot of fluff on my MP3 player, but I know it has it's place. Not on these nights. It's all about feeling," she explained.

I couldn't help but be intrigued by this, and I looked forward to the next time I had an opportunity to sneak away. I guess it was noticeably, because one of the nurses at the hospital commented on my anticipation one night.

"Got a hot date, Dr. Cullen?" Teresa Holmes asked. Her smile was warm and generous, and unlike most of the nurses around here, it held no trace of flirtation. She was only a few years out of school, and when she'd started working at the hospital last year, I'd taken her under my wing, sort of guiding her until she found her rhythm. And when she had, I'd been blown away. She was going to make an incredible nurse once she got more experience under her belt, and she was already partway there.

I smiled back. "No, nothing like that. I'm not even close to ready to start dating again," I said truthfully. The concept of committing to a steady relationship, to the pursuit of love, so soon after my failure with Esme was just too much for me right now. "I was just planning something a friend of mine told me about," I explained.

Her smile changed to kind of a confused quirk of the lips. "What's that?"

"They're called 'unplugged' nights. It's where you turn off all of your electronics, except for your music. If it's all on your computer then you're required to shut down every other program except for your music player. You even turn off the lights, and you're only aloud to listen to songs that make you feel, with meaningful music, you know? And you turn it up nearly as loud as you can stand it. My friend likes to think of it as music therapy," I explained.

"That sounds nice," she said, nodding her head in agreement. "You know what, I think I'll try that sometime," she said. "It sounds like it'd be perfect after a long shift at the hospital. Just me, a bubble bath, a few candles, and a boom box in an otherwise dark room."

"I hope it helps," I told her.

"You too, Dr. Cullen. You too."

* * *

"Some of these are really sad," I warned, choosing the play list. "Lets just say I had a lot of these nights after you guys left."

I saw his face fall. "Oh, Bella..."

I smiled, even if it felt a tiny bit forced. "It's okay. The past is the past. Our family is back together again, and that's all that matters," I promised, and the words rang true. "I just... I needed these nights. Charlie couldn't hear me cry over the music," I admitted.

Carlisle pulled me against him, as the opening notes of one of my favorite songs began to play.

_Slow down you crazy child, you're so ambitious for a juvenile..._

_ Where's the fire, what's the hurry about? You better cool it off before you burn it out..._

_ Slow down, you crazy child, and take the phone off the hook and disappear for awhile..._

_ When will you realize? Vienna waits for you..._

"I never had you pegged for a Billy Joel fan," Carlisle said, surprised.

"Neither did I. My teacher used the song once in a philosophy class in Phoenix. I took a liking to it. It's the song that convinced me to start these nights," I explained.

"He's a smart man."

_ I'll show you mine if you show me yours first,  
Let's compare scars, I'll tell you whose is worse..._

_ I've got some friends, some that I hardly know,  
But we've had some times, I wouldn't trade for the world...  
We chase these days down with talks of the places that we will go..._

"Simpler times," I said wistfully. Carlisle nodded, pressing a kiss to the top of my head. I felt his hand trace the curve of my hip, and it sent a shiver up my spine, but I swatted his hand away. "Not tonight," I told him, smiling into his shoulder.

_Is there no signal in your bedroom where you're spending all your time?_

_ I wouldn't wish this life on anyone. Why do this to yourself?_

_ This isn't living and this ain't dying. This isn't anything at all,_

_ You've gone back on all your promises and hiding from the truth._

_ You hate the mirror like I hate the morning sunlight,_

_ both show us for who we really are and what we have become._

_ In cursive letters I am calling out your name,_

_ Hear me? Did I spell this right?_

Even months later, this still hit a little close to home for me. Even though I believe what I told Carlisle, I was well and truly broken when they'd left me. And even though the pain was beaten down to bearable, often forgotten, and lessening little by little, it was still there. There were still days I felt fragile.

I felt Carlisle tracing circles along my back, as though he could read my mind. And then... there were days like this. On days like this, I could just be. No trying. No thinking. It was like a vacation away from reality.

_People talking like they don't even know where they're walking,  
Hurricane girl,  
About to explode,  
Pieces missing, like they don't even know how to listen,  
Hurricane girl, hurricane girl,  
About to explode..._

While they were gone I felt like that girl. And when they came back, I thought I might be able to walk away from that. But tonight... Tonight I knew that I had. I was walking away from that girl.

* * *

**Just wanted to give credit for the songs. The first is Vienna by Billy Joel, of course. The second is Swing Life Away by Rage Against the Machine. The third is Cursive, by one of my favorite small time bands The Intel, who unfortunately broke up... *sad face* The last is Hurricane Girl by Alexz Johnson. Also, Bella's tank top and underwear are on my profile.**


End file.
